Divorced guys: When did you know it was over

[Ah Pook]

When I read some emails to her best friend about her new friend in MT. It was like a kick in the nuts. Absolute and total trust just dissolved.

In Colorado, it is a no fault state. Adultery has no bearing on the divorce case what so ever. She could be railed by every CO citizen and would still not hold any weight in court.

Yep.

We were able to keep it together enough to divide up everything, write it down and sign the paperwork. After that was not pleasant.

The word lawyer came up once. When I told her that if lawyers get involved neither of us would walk away with anything, she was more willing to sit down at the table (which she got).

The two of you can do all the divorce papers on your own. The courthouse will provide the paper work but you will have to ask for each document. They will provide no "legal" advise. I kept asking what was needed to cover all the bases, getting a little more info each time I asked.

Not sure where you are but there is a place in west Boulder County that be used for any storage needs you may have. PM if needed.

Thank you for dredging up an 11 year old nightmare.

Good luck. This won't be easy but the faster you cut it loose and get on with YOUR life, the better.

[Ah Pook]

That is my plan for early next week. Going to a marriage counselor and if she refuses to go that will also help my case. I'm going to go anyway even if she doesn't show up. I'll email her the date and time and all that jazz so that there is a record that I attempted to get her to come with me to reconcile the marriage.

Not sure what case this will help. CO is no fault.

I know a good counselor between Longmont and Ft Collins, if you want to talk to someone. He does marriage counseling.

[spyder]

Well, I will throw my two cents into the pot. You don't have any kids, get the fuck out now. I believe in no compromise in few things in life. The person in which you are going to spend the rest of your life with is one of them. Now, rather you end up on the short end of the stick on the others end, well, shit happens. The road goes both ways. If she is treating you and your relationship that way, get the fuck out. That in itself should tell you something. You don't have any kids, sign the papers and walk away. Colorado is a great state for divorce in that neither one of you can really screw the other over legaly. I have had two now, one in which I let off the hook, and the other was like Byte's situation (I did try to play that out a little though, that is another story). They had lawyers, I did not. Whatever you owned going into the marriage, is yours. Whatever she owned before she was married to you, is hers. The stuff you got together, is the stuff you get to divide. If you want something in that divided shit, sell it to a friend now. No joke. Divorce lawyers are the biggest lying pieces of shit there are. Each of their lawyers lied to me to no end about what they could do, wha they could get bla bla bla. Fuck them, they lie. 50 50 all the way. Hopefully if she is already pulling that shit, she will agree to sign the papers and walk away without any need for a lawyer. In that case, there are spots on the paperwork in which you put what you are taking away from the split, make sure you write every little fucking thing on that list if you don't want her to be able to make a fuss about it later on down the road. Other than that, go get yourself a woman that will treat you better.

[spyder]

I fucking hate cunts... Sorry.

[gnihcraes]

No experience with divorce here, but the neighbor kid had a similar situation with his new wife, always lying etc. He divorced her, she got 1/2 everything. Hurt him bad. I think she married just to get divorced and get the money. Her way of moving up the ladder so to say. Marry, divorce, money, do over. Only thing that saved him was a pre-nup on one property and his 55 chevy.

Talk to a lawyer. If you don't have much and no kids, it won't be as costly as you think to pay the lawyer. If she's reasonable about everything, the lawyer can just help with the paperwork and it will be over, limiting the costs. You can do it yourself if she's willing and there isn't a fight about everything. (doubtful on that though)

[bellavite1]

Divorces no, bad breakups yes.
If it gets to the point that you have doubts, it is time to split.
With the right woman there should never be questions or doubts, whether justified or not.
You are wasting your time in this relationship.
Start fresh and look for the one you can spend your life with.
I had to come to the other side of the world and my wife had to divorce three times before we found each other...
Good women are out there, go get one!

[BPTactical]

I wish she would sit down and talk. I've tried and she refuses. She won't go to counseling with me. She says she'll do something and then doesn't. I even said "I don't care if you go out with friends for a few drinks, just tell me". She couldn't even keep that promise for a week. I've tried to make this work but it's like she gave up long ago. I want to make it work, I love her very much. I think that's why this is such a shock to me and very hard to swallow.

How do you know it is over?
See the above. You have answered your own question.

If she is unwilling to work at it it is done. A marriage actually has less to do with love but everything about commitment and hard work and wanting it to work.
It has to be this way with both parties involved.
It is not a one sided thing.

[henpecked]

There is life after divorce.....
Dont make the same mistakes twice.
If theres no effort on her end then its time to move on

Planning now will save you headaches later
Get pictures, birth certificates, copy of life insurance, pensions
social security and any information you think you might need later
and copy it now and remove it to a secure location.

GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW BEFORE YOU SAY THE D WORD

You could come home to a restraining order and then it will be too late

[CrufflerSteve]

Definitely have it together before the word divorce come out. Banks accounts credit cards have to be considered.

In my past divorce I found friends were almost as bad as divorce lawyers. You can at least know a lawyer wants a fight so he can get everything you have. Do everything possible to avoid a fight.

Hanging out here you probably own a gun or two. That could be used against you if it gets ugly. You might want to get them all stored at a friend's place.

Steve

[Geology Rocks]

sorry to hear about this man.. My advice is to sell everything to a friend you can truly trust. sell them for normal amounts of money with the understanding that when you are back on your feet you can buy them and everything back.

get your ducks in a row now as well. I had a friend get divorced and it was going to be civil. He had a good business, 2 beautiful houses, boats, cars everything. He built it all before he met her. Now? he lives in an apartment and she lives in the house he bought with some other dude who now drives his boat. Divorces are not civil.

i also say try and work it out. tell her exactly how you feel and try and have her tell you how she feels.

I am unemployed at this time. If you want me to follow her I will...lol.

joe