Divorced guys: When did you know it was over

[hurley842002]

I don't really have any advice to give you (never been married and my longest relationship is my current one of 3yrs), but i'd like to wish you the best, and I hope everything turns out well for you.

[SideShow Bob]

I don't have much and I don't think she would come after me for what I do have but you hear horror stories all the time.

Sorry to hear about your situation,
Unless you want to have NOTHING get a lawyer or she will take you for everything including all your firearms !
My second ex said she didn't want anything except a divorce. Then she got a lawyer and forced me to sell all my firearms including an old .22 that my father left me. And give her half the cash, and she got the new car and I got the payment, and had to sell the house and split the equity.
Just remember, She will get the Gold mine and you will get the shaft !

[Troublco]

I'm like BP, I'm looking in. But I helped two of my best friends through really nasty, rough divorces and from those experiences I will echo the advice about the lawyer. My one buddy and his ex had agreed, no lawyers. They went to court for the first hearing and, lo and behold, she showed up with a lawyer and he didn't and it started costing him right then. Whatever you do, the lawyer is going to be essential at some point. Thank the Lord you don't have kids, because that will make it easier, not that anything about the process is easy. I would agree with getting the guns out of the house if you can, find someone you trust to keep them for you.
The other friend's first wife had made a list of guns by model and serial number, and had pulled a couple out and made them disappear and he couldn't do squat about those. She took half the value of his guns; including taking the couple that had been his late father's. Not all women are nasty and vindictive like that, but honestly I believe I'd rather be safe than sorry especially if you believe that you're being lied to now. Listen to your gut; if you feel like something's wrong it's probably because you're picking up little things and noticing certain things that don't add up right.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this in any form, especially having helped two of my best friends through it and knowing from that what a mess it is. Divorce is, in my mind, the option of last possible resort but if you come to it then you need to make sure you don't get taken.

Once again, sorry to hear it and I sure hope things ease up for you.

[sniper7]

I forgot to mention. I have a family friend that is a divorce lawyer if you need somewhere to start. just send me a PM.

[DD977GM2]

have you talked to her about counseling.

do you think she is developing a drinking problem?


there is ALWAYS time for cheating. If you have a deep down gut feeling, and are seriously worried about it, bring it up. ask her only once and see the reaction. of course the answer is going to be NO, but see how she reacts. if it is enough to make you question more, do some investigating.

if she is in fact, that will help you a lot in the divorce.

I hate to see people get divorced, but people change, things changes, priorities change. at least in your case no kids are involved as they are truly the ones who suffer.


I also 2nd on selling anything important to you to a trusted friend and she will get 1/2 the money. I strongly support that you lawyer up. be first, strike hard and show no mercy. from all the stories I have even read, they definitely show no mercy.

In Colorado, it is a no fault state. Adultery has no bearing on the divorce case what so ever. She could be railed by every CO citizen and would still not hold any weight in court.

[2008f450]

My wife and I have been together for 12 years married 10. We went through some tough times a couple years back. We didnt think we loved each other anymore. We tried counseling, therapists, I even let a shrink try some medications that altered my chemistry to see if it helped. What finally did it for us was we started to just talk. With our busy lives that was something we didnt do much. My advise for all that its worth (not a lot) is sit down with her and talk. no yelling no accusssing just sit and ask how she is what is she thinking what is wrong. And you have to ask your self thesame questions as well. Dont get defensive and dont say nothing is wrong if she asks you. JMHO take it for what you will. And good luck.

[Skier]

My wife and I have been together for 12 years married 10. We went through some tough times a couple years back. We didnt think we loved each other anymore. We tried counseling, therapists, I even let a shrink try some medications that altered my chemistry to see if it helped. What finally did it for us was we started to just talk. With our busy lives that was something we didnt do much. My advise for all that its worth (not a lot) is sit down with her and talk. no yelling no accusssing just sit and ask how she is what is she thinking what is wrong. And you have to ask your self thesame questions as well. Dont get defensive and dont say nothing is wrong if she asks you. JMHO take it for what you will. And good luck.

I wish she would sit down and talk. I've tried and she refuses. She won't go to counseling with me. She says she'll do something and then doesn't. I even said "I don't care if you go out with friends for a few drinks, just tell me". She couldn't even keep that promise for a week. I've tried to make this work but it's like she gave up long ago. I want to make it work, I love her very much. I think that's why this is such a shock to me and very hard to swallow.

[Byte Stryke]

Love without trust is a heartache.

[Irving]

Set up an appointment with a counselor. If she won't go, cancel the appointment and set one up with a lawyer instead.

[Skier]

Set up an appointment with a counselor. If she won't go, cancel the appointment and set one up with a lawyer instead.

That is my plan for early next week. Going to a marriage counselor and if she refuses to go that will also help my case. I'm going to go anyway even if she doesn't show up. I'll email her the date and time and all that jazz so that there is a record that I attempted to get her to come with me to reconcile the marriage.