Divorced guys: When did you know it was over

[BPTactical]

I wish she would sit down and talk. I've tried and she refuses. She won't go to counseling with me. She says she'll do something and then doesn't. I even said "I don't care if you go out with friends for a few drinks, just tell me". She couldn't even keep that promise for a week. I've tried to make this work but it's like she gave up long ago. I want to make it work, I love her very much. I think that's why this is such a shock to me and very hard to swallow.

How do you know it is over?
See the above. You have answered your own question.

If she is unwilling to work at it it is done. A marriage actually has less to do with love but everything about commitment and hard work and wanting it to work.
It has to be this way with both parties involved.
It is not a one sided thing.

[henpecked]

There is life after divorce.....
Dont make the same mistakes twice.
If theres no effort on her end then its time to move on

Planning now will save you headaches later
Get pictures, birth certificates, copy of life insurance, pensions
social security and any information you think you might need later
and copy it now and remove it to a secure location.

GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW BEFORE YOU SAY THE D WORD

You could come home to a restraining order and then it will be too late

[CrufflerSteve]

Definitely have it together before the word divorce come out. Banks accounts credit cards have to be considered.

In my past divorce I found friends were almost as bad as divorce lawyers. You can at least know a lawyer wants a fight so he can get everything you have. Do everything possible to avoid a fight.

Hanging out here you probably own a gun or two. That could be used against you if it gets ugly. You might want to get them all stored at a friend's place.

Steve

[Geology Rocks]

sorry to hear about this man.. My advice is to sell everything to a friend you can truly trust. sell them for normal amounts of money with the understanding that when you are back on your feet you can buy them and everything back.

get your ducks in a row now as well. I had a friend get divorced and it was going to be civil. He had a good business, 2 beautiful houses, boats, cars everything. He built it all before he met her. Now? he lives in an apartment and she lives in the house he bought with some other dude who now drives his boat. Divorces are not civil.

i also say try and work it out. tell her exactly how you feel and try and have her tell you how she feels.

I am unemployed at this time. If you want me to follow her I will...lol.

joe

[<MADDOG>]

I will interject the only advice that hasn't been said thus far: you truly don't know someone until your start divorcing them. In my personal and observed experiences, women get more evil and vindictive than the husband ever anticipates...

[spyder]

I will interject the only advice that hasn't been said thus far: you truly don't know someone until your start divorcing them. In my personal and observed experiences, women get more evil and vindictive than the husband ever anticipates...

If you really want to know how evil a potential wife could be, tell her one night after you two get done in the sack that she was almost as good as her sister. You will know evil then.

[BlasterBob]

Please, do NOT think that I am trying to funny but this "D" stuff is completely new to me. I am truly sad to hear of so damn many marriages being ripped apart.
This is all kinda like a soap opera to me and I had no idea about these serious things going on. Kinda difficult for me to understand since my Mrs. and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary in less than a month. So, I do have to admit that I have a "keeper" and she has never indicated ANY dissatisfaction with all the guns and gun stuff and gadgets that I have accumulated over the past 50 years. Something that is just about impossible to believe is that we have never NEVER had a fight/scrap, either physical or even verbal. Now, you know she has to be a VERY tolerable little lady.....

[BlasterBob]

Wow, looks like my post kinda &quot;killed&quot; this interesting thread. Sorry about that!

[funkfool]

So, I do have to admit that I have a "keeper" and she has never indicated ANY dissatisfaction with all the guns and gun stuff and gadgets that I have accumulated over the past 50 years. ......... Now, you know she has to be a VERY tolerable little lady.....

Sounds like you got a great lady.
I have been married for 1.5 yrs so I am still a newlywed so to speak... but - had other long term relationships that ended in a variety of ways...

[RobertB]

I will interject the only advice that hasn't been said thus far: you truly don't know someone until your start divorcing them. In my personal and observed experiences, women get more evil and vindictive than the husband ever anticipates...

I'd agree but amend that to say that divorce (or hell, just bad times) changes people. It will apply to you just as much to her. Protect yourself as much as you can and bless the fact you don't have kids.

Also, keep in mind that any joint debt is still your problem, no matter what happens in a settlement. The companies that own the debt don't care. Cancel your credit cards. A day or two before you hit her with paperwork, empty your bank account (and switch your direct deposit, if any) into a separate individual account and close out any overdraft funds. Don't use the same bank, either. She may still get access to it via settlement, but at least she can't spend it out from under you beforehand.