"As for now, I’m in control here" - Alexander Haig, 1981; theGinsue, 2011
(Okay, actually... it's Roger, Marlin, foxtrot, 7idl,....)
As for skills, I can pull a coin from behind your ear and now (thanks to jerrymrc) I know how to can stuff.
And as a former web developer I can tell you the default password into gay porn sites is C : <enter> # # #
(lemme know when you get that last little bit)