Death in the family

[lebru]

Step-dad had a heart attack suddenly yesterday. We weren't very close, my mom got re-married when I was 22 (5 years ago). But my mom is taking it rough and I got some of his stuff in the will. I feel really super sad about it but don't know what to do. I have a great relationship with my real dad, but losing my step dad has been bumming me out.


How have the older and wiser coped? This is the second close death to me, I was too young to really remember the first. I have already cracked open some whiskey.

[ldmaster]

Is not only for soldiers in combat - it happens in everyday life too.

You will ALWAYS regret that you didn't see someone one last time, or that at some point you didn't make amends for some argument, or even that you dont feel anything in particular about someone's death.

When someone close to you dies, it's time to take stock of yourself and decide that if it were YOU, is there anything about your life that needs attention?

I just lost a fellow officer, and I didn't think I'd take it as hard as I did - but it was pretty messy when I broke down.

After a few days remember that the person you're trying to honor would probably want you to laugh, remember them fondly and renew your relationships with those who are important to you - it's what I would want people to do.

Be with your mom, take care of things without asking her what she needs done. Clean the kitchen, wash and fill her car with gas. Honor the gift he gave you in his will, and decide how he meant you to receive it. It's clear that even if he had other people in his former life to leave these things to, he chose YOU to leave them to, he must have thought you were a decent person - and he must have loved your mom very much.

Cry, drink, get hung over - tell stories about him to anybody who will listen - ask your mom to tell you things, don't just stew - TALK!

I feel for you man, I really do...

[lebru]

Just sucks for her. Like I said, we weren't that close its just kinda rough being around it and seeing it. I guess it makes me value life more.

[zteknik]

sorry to hear of your loss-and i feel your pain
i too use to crack open the bottle when it happened
but from personal experiance it aint worth it!!(rehabs are expensive-i know)

best thing to do is be there for your mom-with you easing her pain itll help with yours-just the act of helping helps yourself as well

when you start feeling down do like you did here-let somebody know
talk for a bit-it takes the hurt away
Prayers help too if you follow that sort
so i will send a few Prayers out

[Bailey Guns]

What ldmaster said. Sorry for your loss.

[ronaldrwl]

I'm sorry to heard about your step-dad. I don't know what to tell you except maybe spend as much time as you can with your loved ones.

[Cannon Fodder]

Step-dad had a heart attack suddenly yesterday. We weren't very close, my mom got re-married when I was 22 (5 years ago). But my mom is taking it rough and I got some of his stuff in the will. I feel really super sad about it but don't know what to do. I have a great relationship with my real dad, but losing my step dad has been bumming me out.


How have the older and wiser coped? This is the second close death to me, I was too young to really remember the first. I have already cracked open some whiskey.

lebru, my condolences on your family's loss.

Though I'm not old by definition of age, I have seen my share of death. What I can say, that many others have said so far, is time and talking will help heal all wounds.

When my brother died by his own hand, I can't begin to describe to you how crushed and emotionally distressed I was. I was already a Soldier at that time, and kicked into full "strong supportive" mode, but I hurt for a long time inside.

One thing that I started to do on that day, that I have done in times since then: When someone close dies, take the time to sit and write an essay about the good experiences and the humorous memories. Then, read it to your family. Read it at the funeral if appropriate. They and you will appreciate the memories.

Hope this helps,

Chris

[StagLefty]

Good advice from a great forum. It's never easy but it's reality Bro. My condolences for you and your family.

[Byte Stryke]

Honestly, I Suck at things like this. So I will simply Offer my condolences.

[BlasterBob]

I guess it makes me value life more.

Sorry to hear of your loss. You are going to find that the older you get and the more experience you gain, you will really value life even more. I know!!