Daughters first date

[Mtn.man]

Thankfully my daughter is grown and got her own younguns.
But when she was young I intimidated the shit outa her dates.

Being big helps, and cleaning your guns when they come over a BIG +.

[DSB OUTDOORS]

My Neice is only 5 and my brother is already asking me to be on call for a good old gun cleaning party at his house when she starts dating! How could I say no.

[Ah Pook]

Ten Simple Rules for
Dating My Daughter

Some thoughtful information for those who ARE daughters, WERE daughters, HAVE daughters, INTEND TO HAVE daughters, or INTEND TO DATE a daughter.

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Monky]

I actually had a girls dad come to the door with a scattergun.. after I made a reference to Tombstone and 'street howitzer', we bonded.

Needless to say, the fact that her dad liked me, made the short time we were dating suck. Man did that girl have father issues.

[gcrookston]

I told my daughter she could get her hair cut the way she liked when she was 10, her ears pierced when she was 12, and date when she was 30...

She spent her 18th birthday at a fire control base in Afghanistan. She's 24 now in pre-med on the GI Bill.

I still won't let her date

[BigMat]

I dated my dentist's daughter once...

That ended badly for me. I spent several years with a couple cavities and a night-stick shatter molar, but it was so much better than going back.

[Elhuero]

man, it never rains but it pours, eh mx'r?

I never had any dads try to intimidate me, would've been funny tho.

I did invite a girl shooting once, and her whole family ended up coming along because the folks didn't like the idea of their dear girl being around guns without them around. ... years later she married an AFA cadet. darn zoomies.

[DD977GM2]

I feel ya brother. I have a 14 year old daughter and so far she is more interested in doing well in school and sports then boys. I dread the day that I pick up her date and take them to where ever.

[mcantar18c]

I've still got a few years before I have to enact this plan, but I made a coat hanger with a little shelf on it that sits close to and in plain view of the front door. When the time comes I will put a sharpie and a few boxes worth of shells on the shelf. When her date comes to pick her up and he tells me his name, I'll write it on a shell right there in front of him, tell him what time to have her home, and leave it at that.

[patrick0685]

Every girl I dated parents liked me