Quote Originally Posted by Bumblebee Bob
Honest Occifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am! [clown]
Take me drunk.....I'm home


How about these:
While still sitting in the car alone after being pulled over,"But officer, it wasn't me, I wasn't driving."

I couldn't be drunk, I've been drinking for 6 days and I haven't had a buzz for 3 days.

No officer, I don't want to risk drinking and driving because if I got in a wreck my boss would know I was driving his car.

The reason I ran was because I thought you saw the trash I threw out the window and I didn't want to get that $1000 fine for littering.

I'm sorry Officer, I didn't see the red light...my eyes were closed.
WHY WERE YOUR EYES CLOSED
My neighbor here was just finishing a BJ.....it's hard to keep your eyes open when it ends.(EDITED FOR CONTENT)