Rules for Meetings at Work

[roberth]

I was reading the "crap" thread and someone brought up meetings at work.

Decline the meeting if the following conditions are met:

1. The meeting is scheduled before 10am on Monday.
2. The meeting is scheduled after noon on Friday
3. The meeting is scheduled between 11am and 1 pm Monday through Thursday.
4. The meeting is scheduled after 3pm Monday - Thursday.
5. The meeting is scheduled before 9 on Tuesday - Friday.

Accept the meeting if the following conditions are met:

1. The hot chick in the office is wearing a short skirt. (drop your pencil...a lot).
2. There is food being served. This may just be an inducement for a stupid meeting but food is food.
3. Your boss said the meeting was mandatory.
4. You scheduled the meeting.

Please feel free to add your own.

[Mtn.man]

Not really any meetings at the shop.
Unless we are totally out of beer then heads roll.

[clublights]

Useful Expressions for your next meeting

1) I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2) What part of "NO" don't you understand?
3) How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
4) It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6) Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
7) You are validating my inherent mistrust of others.
8) I'm already visualizing the gaff tape over your mouth.
9) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
10) Some day, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
11) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
13) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
14) You sound reasonable...time to up my medication.
15) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
16) How do I set a laser printer to stun?
17) Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
18) Not the brightest crayons in the box now, are we?
19) And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?
20) Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
21) I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
22) Don't feel bad, a lot of people have no talent!

Useful Expressions when firing someone

1) How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
2) Your village called, they want their idiot back!
3) Earth is full, Go home!
4) You! Off my planet, you're wasting good gravity!
5) You're not completely useless, I can use you as a bad example!

[DFBrews]

Not really any meetings at the shop.
Unless we are totally out of beer then heads roll.

accept meeting if it is in an air conditioned room and the swamp coolers are down in the shop... also keep meeting going for as long as possible

[Marlin]

Meeting?

What's that?

[CrufflerSteve]

Meeting?

What's that?

It's simple. Meeting are events where minutes are kept but hours are lost.

Some people actually like them. Must be a genetic defect.

Steve

[Ridge]

Business Jargon Generator

[ray1970]

I hate meetings. Really cuts into my productivity. I especially hate people who see the meetings as an excuse to get out of real work and will intentionally make it a point to drag the meeting out by asking utterly useless questions so they can avoid real work just a little longer.

[DFBrews]

I hate meetings. Really cuts into my productivity. I especially hate people who see the meetings as an excuse to get out of real work and will intentionally make it a point to drag the meeting out by asking utterly useless questions so they can avoid real work just a little longer.

See my post about a/c our shop is fricken hot this time of year.... It is for the children!

[ray1970]

See my post about a/c our shop is fricken hot this time of year.... It is for the children!

Not to pick on you, but if you spent a day where I work you would probably be wishing you were back in your shop.