Today's funny

[Dr_Fwd]

[youtube]bynJ5JpLgd4[/ytube]

Who wants to bitch slap this guy!

I'm in, lmk when/where.

[4Lo]

I give praise to all the cops that can actually take that crap from idiots without pimp slapping them in the mouth...
If I were a cop, I would get suspended in a day.

[Irving]

I think I know that guy!

[Cman]

Microchip Implant Allows Islamic Terrorists to Speak to God.
The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the forehead.
When properly installed, it will allow the terrorist to speak to God.


It comes in various sizes: Generally from .223 to .50 cal.
The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also make the injection. No anesthetic is required.
The implant may or may not be painless. Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches and pains are extremely temporary.
Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site. In most cases, you won't even notice it.

[Cman]

As one American General put it, "Ain't this Country Great" !!!!!!!!!
Augusta, GA
Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket.... When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.
Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the "Toys for Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.
After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.
The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw...injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.
Now that was a well written Police report.

[Ronin13]

As one American General put it, "Ain't this Country Great" !!!!!!!!!
Augusta, GA
Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket.... When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.
Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the "Toys for Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.
After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.
The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw...injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.
Now that was a well written Police report.

That. Is. AWESOME!

[Bailey Guns]

That is the second gayest black dude I've ever seen. Antoine "hide yo wife" was the gayest. But at least Antoine was funny.

I don't miss that sort of person at all.

[Teufelhund]

> ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE
>
>> From JOHN CLEESE
>
> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in
> Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
> "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
> "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
> Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
> Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
> Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
> warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
>
> The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
> get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the
> reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
> the last 300 years.
>
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
> terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
> France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
> a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
> paralyzing the country's military capability.
>
> Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
> to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
> "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
> have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
> "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
> "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
> of the last final escalation level.
>
> Regards,
>
> John Cleese,
>
> British writer, actor and tall person
>
> And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are
> getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
>

[JoeT]

Guy in a night club sees a huge fat girl at the bar, he walks up to her and asks,



"Have you got a pen?"





She looks up, smiles and says;





"Yes I do"





"Well" he says;


"You'd better hurry back to it then before the farmer finds you're missing".

[Ronin13]

Guy in a night club sees a huge fat girl at the bar, he walks up to her and asks,



"Have you got a pen?"





She looks up, smiles and says;





"Yes I do"





"Well" he says;


"You'd better hurry back to it then before the farmer finds you're missing".

Mean, but oh so funny! That's terrible!