Today's funny

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her. "What do you mean?" she replied. So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house." She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

Effing awesome!

[Walker2970]

Daddy is a gay dancer


A fourth-grade teacher asked the
children what their fathers did
for a living. All the typical answers came up
- fireman,
mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.



Little Justin, however, was being
uncharacteristically quiet, so
when the teacher prodded him about his father,
he replied, "My
father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all
his
clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in
his
underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go
home
with some guy and stay with him all night for
money."



The teacher, obviously shaken by this
statement, hurriedly set
the other children to work on some exercises and
took little
Justin aside. "Is that really true about your
father?"


"No," the boy said, "He works for
the Democratic National
Committee and is helping to get Obama re-elected, but
it's too
embarrassing to say that in front of the other
kids.

[DSB OUTDOORS]

Good joke. "Stuck On You Thread" Is the place for this.

[Sharpienads]

Hahahaha, that's a good one!

But there is a jokes section under the "Stuck on you" topic.

[Great-Kazoo]

I think it's called GD.

[Ah Pook]

Little Johnny has been replaces?

[DSB OUTDOORS]

Little Johnny has been replaces?

Little Jonny can not be replaced!

[Irving]

Little Johnny has been replaces?

Little Justin is what gay dad's name their kids.

[zteknik]

WINNER!!!!

[GilpinGuy]

One day in the future, Barack Obama had a heart attack and died.
He immediately went to hell, where the devil was waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list,
but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to
do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama thought that sounded
pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in,
and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and
surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I
don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I
would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,"
commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton,
lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she
does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah
man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........




"OK, Monica, you're free to go."