Official IT thread

[Ridge]

We need a thread to share our hilarious/sad/amusing/drinking stories about our users. I'll start with one a friend just shared with me:

Phone conversation went like this a little while ago:

User: Hey, Billy...um...I sort of need your help

Billy: Oh, ok. What's up?

User: Well I have a problem with the printer. It got a paper jam.

Billy: Ok, do you want me to come over there and clear it for you?

User: Oh no...I tried that myself already. I had a butter knife and used it to pry out the paper

Billy: You stuck a butter knife into your laserjet 4? Did you turn it off beforehand?

User: Oh no, I didn't need to, i have done this before.

Billy: Wow. Ok. Glad you are still alive. So whats the problem?

User: Well you see, when I used the knife to get the paper out, I think I punctured something in the printer, because there is all this black powder all over the place. I pulled out the thing that was leaking and now there is a pile of the black powder on the floor.

Billy: Um, you really shouldn't touch that stuff its a harmful carcinogen...you really ought to put down the phone and call building services to come clean that up right away...

User: Well, that's not the problem though.

Billy: What? What do you mean the punctured toner cartridge and the pile of toner on your floor aren't your problem?

User: well you see, I knew we had a spare toner drum thingy and so I tried to put it in the printer myself.

Billy: Uh-huh....

User: But it seems I left the butter knife in the printer, and when I tried to push the toner cartridge thingy in the printer it wouldn't go, so I just started pushing harder, then there was a pop and some sparks flashed, and the lights went out. The phones don't even work right now. I'm calling you on my cell... I think that toner stuff is all over my hands but I cant really see to make sure it is so dark in here...What should I do?

[ruthabagah]

lol. I second this.

I, once, suggested that a blonde user unplug her network cable and blow in it to make sure there was not anything stuck in it slowing down her connection ....

[Zundfolge]

Ridge, your friend should submit that one here http://clientsfromhell.net/

[Ridge]

Ridge, your friend should submit that one here http://clientsfromhell.net/

Oh, it gets better...

The best part is that her small consultancy rents a small office and her company is only one of about 40 or 50 companies on that floor alone. Apparently she has taken out 2 floors worth of power in an office tower in New York, and knocked out 100 companies in the process. I just finished speaking with the facilities manager for the section of the building her office is located in, and they think the power and phones to those 2 floors might be out until at least Monday, because they have no idea at the moment exactly what the short out actually damaged.

Also they have no ideas why the phones aren't working.

Also they think the elevators are not reliable at the moment because of this. That's all he said. "Not reliable." I don't know precisely what he means by this, but everyone in the building will have to use the stairs until the can get the elevator guys out there to look at the circuitry, which could take a couple days.

Her office is on the 47th floor.


This is the best day.

[trlcavscout]

Lady: My internet connection has been down 3 days and I am pissed, I want some credit!

Me: Ok what exactly is it doing?

Lady: I have a black screen with a "floating" box.

Me: You goofy old broad your PC is turned off!

Lady: How did that happen?





Old Couple: We want wireless.

Me: No problem

Me: Your all set

OC: what are all those wires?

Me: Those are the power cords for your PC, USB cable for your printer, and the other cables are for your mouse, keyboard, monitor and speakers.

OC: WE SAID WE WANTED WIRELESS!

Me: I unhooked all their cables and said "your all set I apologize for the confusion" and left

[BigNick73]

I worked in a support call center for Gateway years back best one was

Tech: Ok, hold your power button down until the PC turns off.
Caller : Ok it's off.
Tech: Problem solved. (hangs up)

She then quits and walks out.

[Ridge]

The tech or the user?

[ChadAmberg]

You have the old classic of the tech helping the clueless user, at the end saying:
"Do you still have the box the computer came in?"
"Yes???"
"Good. Box it up and take it back to the store. You're too stupid to own a computer."

Of course, the last week I've been dealing with fellow IT folks who need to take their PC back to the store...

[scratchy]

Gentlemen, I present to you the Holy Grail of (l)user/sysadmin/sysop stories. Start at the beginning and get ready to laugh.

http://bofh.ch/
http://bofh.ntk.net/BOFH/index.php

[gnihcraes]

i come to the forum to forget about the days troubles. no need for a thread to hash it all over and over again.