We have reason to believe that (insert name of someone off America's Most Wanted here) is loose in Colorado. We will be by shortly to detain you indefinitely until that individual is located. We will allow you to closely examine the business end of a loaded Glock 19 and Remington 870 while we 'ask' consent to search your homes, including the naughties in you nightstand. Please remain calm. We are the government, we're here to help.