My Fiancee Wants to Learn How to Shoot

[BuffCyclist]

Wow! Tons of great info!! Thank you everyone for replying, I'm sure more people will have other stuff to say too, but I'll respond to some stuff now.

Foxtrot, I hadn't thought about her being sore the next day. Though now that I think about it, I know that my hand always tends to hurt a bit whenever I take my Ruger LCP out, just hits right on the base of the thumb muscle.

Tfogger, I've got a Sigma type airsoft pistol that weighs as much as a real sigma, so I could use that to teach her the fundamentals of various parts on the pistol.

dwalker460, I wish I had a .22 pistol to let her shoot, even thought about buying one recently (still considering a cheapo Heritage Rough Rider for $140), but she wants to shoot the smallest I've currently got. When she gets better, I told her we'd take her out and find her a pistol that would be her gun and fits her. I know about staying away from lightweight guns, partly why I'm not letting her shoot my LCP. The size is better for her than my Glock 23, but in my opinion, the LCP kicks a lot more than my G23.

xring, She mostly senses a threat with this guy because he has these mental disorders, and kept pursuing her when she told him no. He kept calling her at work, stopping by, talking to coworkers trying to get information about her. He is even married and is trying to get her to go on a date with him. He's also ex-military (can't remember what branch) but she said that he is also twice her size and if he ever got her alone, she could be in serious trouble. I spoke with my CCW instructor about this, and he offered tons of solutions for her, group class vs one on one, (with me present or not, her choice), tons of things to think bout as well. We spoke about it and she said if she took a class with him, she'd be required to go to the range immediately after the classroom work. She said that she'd rather go to the range on her own time, shoot it first to see what its like, and then take the training course. I may look into my trainers calendar to see when he's got a class open and see if she wants to take it. Also, I don't' live in Colorado anymore, so I can't do any training up there, but thanks for the link!

ray1970, HAHA! I can see what you mean about her cutting into guy time, but honestly, I love her dearly, and would be ecstatic if we could go to the range together (as it is, we don't share any hobbies or extracurricular activities).

BushMasterBoy, HA! I'll consider that.

SAnd, Thanks, I hope we can start going shooting together too!

Keep the advice/tips coming!

[ChadAmberg]

I would say 99% of the time it's a bad idea for someone to teach their wife/girlfriend how to shoot. If it's possible, have her go to a class with a disinterested third party.

For the immediate future, you're doing ok. But don't spend a lot of time. Maybe 2-3 magazines worth. Let her do just about everything herself. Don't try to teach when she's actually shooting, just let her experience things. Only step in for a safety issue. After she's realized how it won't hurt her and how much fun it is, sign her up for a class.

Try not to say "this is the gun you will use" or anything like that. Try to get her in a situation with other shooters with various guns next. Let her shoot various automatics, revolvers, etc. What works for you is almost guaranteed not to work for her.

[Holger Danske]

Agree with Chad, a couple of mags to get her past her anxieties and then get her some formal training especially if you can find a good female instructor. If you want to score points, LISTEN when she tells you whar she learned (even if you already know it). Take her to the gun store and let her hold a lot of guns. She will figure out what she likes. Also, can she get a restraining order against the guy.

[BuffCyclist]

stone, good points. Technically, the stalker hasn't done anything to warrant a restraining order, its a college campus that she works on and he is a student, so he has every right to be there. But her supervisor is aware of the situation and has made it clear to him that he is stalking her and if he continues, they will expel him. She is learning more about knowing where people are and looking around to monitor things wherever she is at.

ChadAmberg, I brought that up to her, that I'd rather be a third party in a class and have someone else teach her. However, she said she wants to go shooting first, then take a class. I didn't think about how I was going to do it, was planning on shooting a magazine or two and have her watch what I do, then hand it over to her. I've already taught her the firearm laws, might be a good time to quiz her on them and see if she remembers. I will definitely let her do things her way and only step in for a safety violation (or if I see her about to do one). Very good point, thanks for bringing that up!

Holger_Danske, that was kind of the plan. Just take her out, get her over the initial fear of pulling the trigger, and get to know what the recoil feels like, then get her into training.

I'm mostly asking for tips/advice here because I absolutely do NOT want to screw this up. I want to make it as comfortable, relaxed and safe of an environment as possible so she feels at ease the first time she shoots. The plan (that she doesn't know) was to get her into a class, have her start shooting, take her out "shopping" to find what she likes, and then surprise her with a gift of her own pistol after she tries out a lot and really knows what she wants.

My CCW instructor has at least 20 guns he brought to my CCW class for anyone to try out. I may see if he could do something familiar with her.

He was very generous too in saying if we get her into a class, that he'll let me take the class with my fiancee and be right beside her, as a little support, and that he wouldn't charge me to take it. He said that in his experience, some women WANT their husbands to be there, others insist that their husbands are NOT present. My fiancee has already said that she wants me to be there no matter what, even if we have to pay for it (which luckily we don't). I think for her its more of a physical presence that would put her at ease. I don't plan on doing any teaching during the course, just letting him teach her entirely (but answer a quick question if she asks and didn't hear what the instructor said).


At the moment, she is applying to a different job which would get her out of the situation, as well as getting her out of her high stress job (as of the past 6mo). Not to mention, if she got the new job, she'd not longer be working on a college campus and could carry a concealed pistol with her at work. When I brought that up, she was rather intrigued by the thought.

[Holger Danske]

Have her read this http://www.backwoodshome.com/articles/ayoob63.html. Its an article called Armed and Female

[xring]

xring, She mostly senses a threat with this guy because he has these mental disorders, and kept pursuing her when she told him no. He kept calling her at work, stopping by, talking to coworkers trying to get information about her. He is even married and is trying to get her to go on a date with him. He's also ex-military (can't remember what branch) but she said that he is also twice her size and if he ever got her alone, she could be in serious trouble. I spoke with my CCW instructor about this, and he offered tons of solutions for her, group class vs one on one, (with me present or not, her choice), tons of things to think bout as well. We spoke about it and she said if she took a class with him, she'd be required to go to the range immediately after the classroom work. She said that she'd rather go to the range on her own time, shoot it first to see what its like, and then take the training course. I may look into my trainers calendar to see when he's got a class open and see if she wants to take it. Also, I don't' live in Colorado anymore, so I can't do any training up there, but thanks for the link!

Look ill repeat this because ive known plenty of crime victims.

The circumstances are clear but what does her gut tell her?

Find out, its vital to assess the situation IMHO

The title of your post is incorrect it should read "My fiance may be at risk of violent crime what should I do?"

Cstones advise is excellent.

The main focus should be to get this guy to get lost. This is a very complicated subject. A restraining order is not neccesarily the best option. A nutcase reads a restraining order as a wish to continue contact. What comunicates no to a normal person may comunicate yes to a nutcase. Search for help with a psychologist who has a background in threat assesment and take his advise

I am not a lawyer I am not giving legal advise.

Consider this,

Where do you think a attack would be likely?

Say he shows up as shes entering the house.

"hey suzy q whats shakin" as he approaches

Shes going to have to get the weapon out, give verbal commands, and lighting him up if he doesnt comply in a pretty timely fashion. Whether that will be considered self defense will be up to your local DA and possibly a jury.

I will throw a opinion out, many disagree with me on this.

In somways a edged weapon can be easier to use with training. Once you learn the basics of escaping from grips. It can be more intuitive to use because there is no shoot/no shoot decision. It is more intuitive because you are(can) attack the limb that is attacking you. It is more intuitive because the veneer is off, a attack has begun, the attempt by the criminal to control verbally is over, and his attempt to use physical force has begun and it is apparant that a appropriate response needs to be made. (opinion only I am not a lawyer ) A edged weapon can be concealed in the hand with a reverse grip and the blade behind thehand or the hand behind the body until it is needed. This falls more in the martial arts area than firearms, but many women train up real quick with edged weapons and a competent instructor.

These new serrated knifes are somthing else.

Nothing says no like a gushing artery.

Inside the house sure lock n load. Im assuming that if he shows up inside the house she intends to respond appropriatly.

All of these things need to be drilled in with realistic scenario based training with adrenaline present or there is a strong possibility her attempt at self defense will fail. Realistic scenario based training that includes adrenaline produces individuals who have the possibility of appropriate response to a attack. No disrespect to your ccw trainer but is this the type of training he will provide? If it is great!! If it isnt still get her trained with him to start her education. I said it before and ill say it again the springs is not that far away, and the cost of the courses are lot cheaper than 5 years of therapy if she survives should a attack occur. Sounds like a romantic weekend to me. Its a lifetime investment. I wish it was easier. I wish it was nicer. I wish it was quicker. Your having to reprogram two decades of non physical responses to sane people and my or your wishes wont keep her safe but doing the work might.

[BuffCyclist]

xring, very good point. However, she has said she has wanted to me to teach her to shoot at some point, but that she isn't ready. She has had several students during the past 2 semesters (she teaches a college class in addition to working for the college) who don't understand the word no. They have continued contact when she has said it is inappropriate for what they are doing/saying, coming to her office during her regular job hours and attempting to chat her up with nothing related to the class, flagging her down in the parking lot (her biggest fear, but they've stopped doing that entirely), going to a coworker friend of hers and getting as much info as he can about her (asking him questions about her and the things she likes and whatnot). This guy with asbergers had made her a little more uneasy, just wondering what could happen if he showed up after class one night, when campus security is gone and she's the only one on campus. Or, if he found out where we live and started watching our house for her, various things like that.

She took taikwondo as a kid and is interested in learning jiu jitsu, saying that she wants her body to be a weapon. I've supported that and she is trying to get into a local class to test the waters before paying for it. They've been VERY accommodating to letting her sit in on the classes and watch, even get up and try it out. But after she brought up jiu jitsu, she came to me and said that she wants to learn to shoot. That even if she masters jiu jitsu, if she had access to a firearm in the house and didn't use it, and something horrible happened, she'd never be able to forgive herself for being too scared of guns to learn how to shoot it.

The student who was stalking her only got her to think about the possibility that an attack could be possible, that even if she knows other means to protect herself, having a firearm in the home that she knows how to use could be a safer thing to use. I brought it up that what if someone comes into the house, with 4 of his friends. That no matter how much martial arts she knows, she could still be overpowered, that a firearm would at least give her a better chance of taking one or two down before either they fled or restrained her.

Its all about mindset. I've tried to get her to think about preparing for bad situations for quite a while, since we're living together and I have a bedside pistol (soon to be shotgun) that would be the way I'd protect us. Having a plan is being prepared, and she seems to be seeing that just because she knows how to shoot a gun, doesn't mean that she will (or be required to) reach for it unless the situation calls for it.

[xring]

xring, very good point. However, she has said she has wanted to me to teach her to shoot at some point, but that she isn't ready. She has had several students during the past 2 semesters (she teaches a college class in addition to working for the college) who don't understand the word no. They have continued contact when she has said it is inappropriate for what they are doing/saying, coming to her office during her regular job hours and attempting to chat her up with nothing related to the class, flagging her down in the parking lot (her biggest fear, but they've stopped doing that entirely), going to a coworker friend of hers and getting as much info as he can about her (asking him questions about her and the things she likes and whatnot). This guy with asbergers had made her a little more uneasy, just wondering what could happen if he showed up after class one night, when campus security is gone and she's the only one on campus. Or, if he found out where we live and started watching our house for her, various things like that.

She took taikwondo as a kid and is interested in learning jiu jitsu, saying that she wants her body to be a weapon. I've supported that and she is trying to get into a local class to test the waters before paying for it. They've been VERY accommodating to letting her sit in on the classes and watch, even get up and try it out. But after she brought up jiu jitsu, she came to me and said that she wants to learn to shoot. That even if she masters jiu jitsu, if she had access to a firearm in the house and didn't use it, and something horrible happened, she'd never be able to forgive herself for being too scared of guns to learn how to shoot it.

The student who was stalking her only got her to think about the possibility that an attack could be possible, that even if she knows other means to protect herself, having a firearm in the home that she knows how to use could be a safer thing to use. I brought it up that what if someone comes into the house, with 4 of his friends. That no matter how much martial arts she knows, she could still be overpowered, that a firearm would at least give her a better chance of taking one or two down before either they fled or restrained her.

Its all about mindset. I've tried to get her to think about preparing for bad situations for quite a while, since we're living together and I have a bedside pistol (soon to be shotgun) that would be the way I'd protect us. Having a plan is being prepared, and she seems to be seeing that just because she knows how to shoot a gun, doesn't mean that she will (or be required to) reach for it unless the situation calls for it.

I understand its tough. Her job situation makes it tough too. I have been saddened over the years by women that I knew that were clearly at threat but could not bring themselves to train. Some did though. You cant push especially if you are in a relationship. Its frustrating, the person you want the most to be safe you cant train. It sounds like you are doing all you can. Best Wishes

[BuffCyclist]

Thanks, just got a hold of her for the first time tonight. I went on a work shift this afternoon, gone until Tuesday, and apparently she went to the jiu jitsu place tonight. It was supposed to be open mat and she was going to watch, but some guy wanted to try it out so they held a formal class. I asked how it went. Her reply: "AWESOME!". She's signing up on Monday.

So, I brought it up to her about shooting, asked her if she'd like to go to the range next weekend after our engagement photo shoot (that we've put off for about 6mo). She said she'd love to, that she was actually going to ask me when we were going to the range.

She is going to research firearm and other tips to learn to shoot tomorrow and we'll talk about it a night or two this next week when I get home. I told her that if she didn't want to go, thats fine too, but I'm going no matter what, because I should be picking up my new shotgun on wednesday and I want to shoot it! lol

[DD977GM2]

I havn't read any replys or much of the original post by BuffCyclist,
but the pics of his fiancee are not loading to prove he actually has a significant other