Background:
My wife and I are expecting and I have gone with her to every doc visit since February. It's so cool to hear all the stuff about your new kid and the ultrasounds are freaking amazing. I mean you can actually SEE you're unborn child and see her move and practice breathing and stuff...unreal.

Story:
It's been weekly doctor visits since last week because we're getting close (<4 weeks til due), and I couldn't get to last week's visit, on Wednesday - the 1st one I missed.

Of course, this week's visit (on Wednesday) was "abnormal" and my wife had unusually high blood pressure. SERIOUSLY high. Apparently, this isn't that uncommon but it is still very serious as serious damage can happen to both the kid and the mom if the condition persists.

So we had today's "extra" visit (which I was sure to attend). Doc basically says "Holy shit! Your f*cking blood pressure is out of control! You need to get to the hospital ASAP!".

I ask, "You mean right now?"

The doc says, "Yeah. Go there right now...they will be expecting you. You may very well have your baby tonight"

<overdrive adrenaline kicks in>

Somehow on the way to the hospital I manage to call Rondog and tell him that I cannot deliver his bacon, as we had a meet tentatively scheduled. At a red light I guess, I forget.

Get to the hospital and get my lovely wive all set with a nurse and all that shit. My wife tells me, "I'm OK...go get the other kids and (blah blah)" basically take them to someone who will take care of them for a few days while she gives birth and recovers.

I bolt to the hills, recover the other kids and secure a suitable refuge for them while my wife gives birth (we had this worked out already).

As we're driving out of the driveway my wife calls me and tells me that she has been released from the hospital and is waiting for me to pick her up, her blood pressure has stabilized. Another doc visit on Monday to see how her blood pressure is doing.

I literally have to run into my house to take a crap immediately. And I mean right now.

How the hell am I supposed to smoke 50 pounds on bacon on Monday if I'm doing all of this?

After all of the bullshit, I can finally get it off my chest. You guys rock.

(let the "you haven't seen anything yet" rants begin!)