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Thread: New Legislation

  1. #1
    Grand Master Know It All hatidua's Avatar
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    Default New Legislation

    For Immediate Release
    Washington, DC

    President Barack Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act, AWNAA, is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society” said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing”.

    In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S employer of Persons of Inability.

    Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%).

    At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

    Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million new positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"

    "As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them", said Mary Lou Gertz, who recently lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember "righty tightey, lefty loosey”. "This new law should be real good for people like me”, Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally get the job security they deserve.

    Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation -- and enjoy a good salary for doing so”.

  2. #2
    Paper Hunter Trigger's Avatar
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    "...true courage is about not knowing when to take a life, but when to spare one."

    "When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." ~ Chief Tecumseh

    "So God Made a Farmer."

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  4. #4
    Grand Master Know It All Sharpienads's Avatar
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    That is awesome.
    Kyle

    Girlscouts? Hmmm, I don't know... I think it's kinda dangerous to teach young girls self esteem and leadership skills.

  5. #5

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    Can someone make this a link for computertards like me?

  6. #6
    Range Boss TEAMRICO's Avatar
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    Where do I sign up....or do I have to stand in a line?
    I hate having to work for it if I gotta stand in line....
    NRA Certified Pistol, Rifle and Shotgun Instructor.
    NRA Range Safety Officer for Local Shoot Events. Contact Me. POST Certified.

    KING: [Watching the ambush party leave into the jungle] I'm glad I ain't going with them. Somewhere out there is the beast and he hungry tonight.
    Platoon 1986
    NO RANGE FOR YOU!!!.....NEXT!!!

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    CO-AR's Secret Jedi roberth's Avatar
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    LOL

  8. #8
    Zombie Slayer
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    I propose we all sign a petition to vote ourselves a payraise before the others do...

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    Celtic Warrior stevelkinevil's Avatar
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    Fan-bloody-tastic
    "Those who would trade liberty for safety deserve neither"

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    Industry Partner BPTactical's Avatar
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    This is one instance where the POTUS leads by example.
    The most important thing to be learned from those who demand "Equality For All" is that all are not equal...

    Gun Control - seeking a Hardware solution for a Software problem...

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