Advice on potential dangerous situation ...

[Spdu4ia]

I haven't been a member here long but have gotten a lot of valuable advice from you guys so I will tell you a story and you tell me what you think should be my next course of action...

My wife has started to have some trouble with an old friend. She has known this guy for about 30 years . They were close friends in middle and high school and kept in touch through college and up until about 6 years ago when he pronounced his dying love for her . She did not reciprocate and told him he was mistaken and that they were only friends and have only ever been friends all their lives and that she was married and he needed to respect that. He does work overseas and is in and out of the country , he has been married 4 times and seems to contact her every time he gets divorced since he says, "he compares every other woman to her " . All of this happened in Louisiana where she lived all her life. We moved here to colorado about 3 years ago. We usually would hear from him every few years for a few weeks and then he would go dig a hole somewhere and disappear.

Last week he started texting her again about how she was the only one and that he was lost without her. He then showed up to her work to wait for her to get off and texted her that he was waiting outside for her to "decide his fate". Luckily she had gone home early and was at home during this time (she did not tell him that) and just told him she wouldn't see him and that it wasn't healthy what he is doing and he stopped texting. The next day while I was at work he texted her small talk and she ignored him and as soon as I got home from work he stopped. I suspect he was watching our neighborhood. We found out he is living in Denver now weirdly enough recently.

We filed a report with the local police department so that thy have a record of the incident. Nothing criminal "yet" but she wanted them to be aware. We both decided didn't want to ruin his life with a a restraining order yet since if he has government contracts to work overseas I'm sure that would hinder that and send him over the edge to do something....anything. We did not tell him we filled anything yet because we did not want to escalate him.

Last night he started texting again and she told him he crossed the line and that he was making her uncomfortable and that they could not be friends and that she did not want to have any contact with him any longer. He then said fine she "would not see him again" but then followed with more text saying he was going to move to Colorado Springs for work. She didn't reply to any of this because its just a temp to get her to have dialogue. The texts stopped last night but who knows what he will do next.

We are both CCW holders and try to constantly be aware of our surroundings anyway but aside from setting up a trench around the house I worry about her home alone or going to work and getting off at night. I guess this is more of a vent and to get others opinions on the situation and ideas of how to handle this. Thanks for listening.

[Byte Stryke]

too much consideration for him, not enough for yourselves.
GET AN EPO! Change phone Numbers at a Minimum.

Consider notifying his command. even as a contractor we are under full authority of the UCMJ. Those that do not think so are delusional.

DO NOT underestimate the ability of an attacker to trip and go off.
http://georgiapacking.org/forum/view...hp?f=6&t=79966

[HBARleatherneck]

im just curious...

how did he find her in Colorado?
how did he get her phone number?

does you wife want to be found?

im not implying she does, but how does someone out of her life, get her personal contact information? If she hasnt changed her number since 6 years ago, she needs to. and if she places all her life on facebook, she shouldnt.

if it goes to far, call the police. thats what they are for. if he doesnt respect the police and keeps at it. It seems as you are both potentially prepared for that too.

[Spdu4ia]

We they've been casual friends since high school so Facebook (which I don't do and am totally against) and mutual friends make it easy to find out what city someone lives in and I don't think she has ever changed her number, he didn't cross the line and start the crazy talk until about two weeks ago. After the first time he told her how he felt 6 years ago and she told him he was mistaken he then said how he didn't mean it like that and that he was ok being friends and all that jazz.

im not 100% clear exactly even what he does or who he works for . I know he goes overseas ever few years to do some kind of work. Is there a way I can find that out?

she is fully aware of how psycho paths work . She used to work at a women's only emergency hospital and would take care of cases of disturbing nature and we both work in the medical field for the past 12 years. I used to tell her not to watch all those shows on tv about people that snapped or went crazy but now I'm glad she does and is slightly paranoid .

[colo-pr]

I don't understand why she don't change the phone number and forget the story? Or most simple Don't respond any simple text or call! Easy!!!!

[colo-pr]

I'm sorry but if a friend of my wife say that he dying for love her my wife cut everything immediately!!!

She need change the phone number, don't respond any text and make some adjustment in FB (maybe disable the location option)

I'm sorry my friend but if she don't want to make this changes she like talk to him, is simple!

[Spdu4ia]

She has stopped responding after telling him to stop contact per the instruction of the officer that took the statement . There needed to be "a line drawn in the sand" so to speak . Now she is not responding and has no intention to. She had adjusted her facebook to block him already a long time ago. We will be changing her number.

i understand the first thought would be that she was allowing it to continue but it is not that way but it is hard to convey in a story. Thank you for all your Ideas, I just needed some outside opinions.

[BPTactical]

You have played it well so far and I applaud the fact at first you did not file a RO at first. Your wife was correct in telling him he was mistaken on the nature of their relationship and to cease contact.
However he has escalated the situation by stating he is moving.
I feel it could almost be in the criteria of stalking now.
Do not play nice anymore.
If he contacts her again, file.
Document everything.

[Spdu4ia]

Oh I will , if I "accidentally" see him somewhere I will document or if there is anymore contact in text or email as well. On a side note if we change phone numbers in the age of Internet and everything available how hard is it to find someone's number really? I would imagine being realistic if somebody wanted it ...they could get it.

at first he was contacting her two weeks ago to tell her he was taking a job in Korea and now he says he has one here.... I honestly don't believe anything he says so I don't rule anything out.

[ray1970]

My wife watches a ton of those true crime shows on TV. Therefore, I watch those shows. If I were in a similar situation I would definitely file a restraining order at this point. Before something bad happens. It'll help you out down the road should he show up at your house intent on killing you so he can be with her. At least when you shoot him dead the authorities will have a little background of how he had been stalking and harassing you guys and was in violation of a court order by being at your home.