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Re: all downhill from here.....
I'm with you on this. My lady and I have joint everything. It makes budgeting much easier for us and we have no intentions of leaving each other down the road.Originally Posted by Inconel710
Hey, if that works for you then great. I'm a Type A and I don't want to beg my wife if I want something she doesn't see the benefit in. Personally, I don't think it would come to that because I married the right woman to begin with who doesn't care what I buy but the beauty is I won't have to worry about it ever. A large majority of marriages that fail cite money arguments as the primary reason. Your way doesn't seem like it helps in this area.
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She is completely financially stable, and has zero debt. She is in marketing with a very good job and does not need me for any of her finances. Which is good. She does not want to get married for at least 4 more years, and then kids only after a few years of being married. Wants us to have our time before we jump into kids, which I like. We already pretty much have two dogs together, some times she loves them more than me.
Not worried about if she is the right one or not, seems like We have gone through hell and back years ago but always come back. We literally have had one argument in a year. Things are good.
Its just gonna be interesting!
And call me old fashion.....but im kinda looking forward to giving her my paycheck every week for our account, I like the feeling of providing for OUR family.
When we get to that point.
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
Friedrich Nietzsche
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Oh, sharing the money doesn't create domestic harmony or anything magical. Just ask my first wife!
It's a trust thing. When you keep the finances separate (for whatever reason) it implies a lack of trust. Now, that may work for you and your wife, Jer, but in both of my marriages it would have failed (I was active duty Navy and they had to pay bills while I was incommunicado). Now that I'm not going to sea anymore, I wouldn't change a thing. If anything, it forces me to talk to my wife more often than I probably would otherwise and keeps us on the same page. Any relationship involves trust and I see things like separate accounts and pre-nups as neon signs blinking "I DON"T TRUST YOU".
Saying that keeping our money separate implies we don't trust each other is 1950's thinking. It just makes more sense. How do unmarried people in the military pay their bills?Oh, sharing the money doesn't create domestic harmony or anything magical. Just ask my first wife!
It's a trust thing. When you keep the finances separate (for whatever reason) it implies a lack of trust. Now, that may work for you and your wife, Jer, but in both of my marriages it would have failed (I was active duty Navy and they had to pay bills while I was incommunicado). Now that I'm not going to sea anymore, I wouldn't change a thing. If anything, it forces me to talk to my wife more often than I probably would otherwise and keeps us on the same page. Any relationship involves trust and I see things like separate accounts and pre-nups as neon signs blinking "I DON"T TRUST YOU".
I'm not fat, I'm tactically padded.
Tactical Commander - Fast Action Response Team (F.A.R.T.)
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Good job buddy!!
At least I can still hide some of your check for ya!!That way she won't take it all!!
Mine just takes it from the account.........
We'll have to agree to disagree on what constitutes 1950's thinking. I'm just a stranger looking at limited information and commenting on someone else's relationship. You and your wife must have a system that works for you. Does she know what goes on in your accounts? Do you know what goes on in hers? Do you have joint financial goals? Do you help each other reach those goals? I'm not saying it can't work, as your case illustrates, but I think if fails more often than not. Because, more often than not, couples choose to keep separate accounts because they don't trust each other. Then separate accounts lead to separate lives which leads to divorce. Marriage is not for the faint of heart.
BTW - I'm not counseling Shootersfab to combine accounts today. Do that after you get married. But think about what we're discussing here. A marriage only works if both partners are working together to achieve common goals whether it's money, career, family (including in-laws), religion, whatever. When those goals become separate, the couple has a hard time keeping the relationship together. That's what killed my first marriage - her goal was to have a husband that didn't go to sea (family) and my goal was to keep going (career). It would have been nicer if she'd found that person after our divorce, but it's an imperfect world.
To answer your question, Jer, before online bill pay, most guys either pre-paid their bills (usually by getting advanced pay from the personnel office) or they had to write checks and get someone they trusted to send them in on time. Saw plenty of girlfriends decide in the middle of patrol they didn't care anymore and the sailor came home to a financial mess. Today, you could probably set everything on auto-pilot with bill pay and then hope the bank doesn't screw things up.
Been living with my gf for 1.5 years or so. Overall, it's been great. We currently keep things seperate. I pay the big chunk of the mortgage, she pays monthly bills and groceries. It works. But, we are looking at doing a combined account. We dump both checks into the main account, pay out the bills, then whatever is left, is split into 2 and deposited into our own accounts. That way, we'd each have our "spending" money for whatever we want without the other being able to say "no". Makes bills easier and still gives you freedom to buy whatever you can budget for.
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