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3 guy's are talking about how good their memory's are.
1st guy says, I remember the 1st words I ever spoke as a baby.
2nd guy says, that"s nothing. I remember this bright light, then the Dr. slapping me and nurses covering me.
3rd guy says, hell, I remember going to this picnic with my Dad, going down a slide and going home with my Mom!
Doggy Style
When we were kids...we were so poor...we had to jerkoff the dog...to feed the cat!
Jeeze, I been around a long time and have heard a lot of jokes, but you guys are tough! I got nothin'.
TOP TEN REASONS MEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN:
#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women.. #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun.
Why a beer is better than a woman -
1. You can enjoy a beer all night long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
26. You can't catch social diseases from a beer.
27. When you're interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason.
28. A beer is always satisfying.
29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
30. A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.
31. A beer does not come with in-laws.
32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.
33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.
35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.
36. The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go to the bathroom.
37. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.
38. Its okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you brought.
39. Beer won't drive you to drink.
40. You can shoot a beer.
41. A beer chaser is easier to catch.
42. You don't need a license to live with a beer.
43. A tree is good enough for a beer.
44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
46. Beer and "ice" don't mix.
47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation--it goes along happily.
48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
51. Beer never complains about a wet spot.
52. You can put all your old beers together in one room and they won't fight.
53. A beer doesn't bleed one week out of the month.
SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM
Herding cats and favoring center
Sorry one of my favorite jokes
A redneck was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."
Two deaf people get married and find out on their wedding night that they cannot communicate with the lights off, not being able to sign language or read lips.
"Honey," the woman signed to her new husband, "why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast once. If you don't want to have sex then reach over and squeeze my right breast once."
The husband thinks about it for a moment then says, "Okay, but if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis once, but if you don't want to have sex with me reach over and pull on my penis 250 times!"
How does one get 10 dead cats in a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them back out?
Corn chips.
What do you call a black man that flies?
A pilot you fucking racist!
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