Tasteless Jokes - put em up

[buffalobo]

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."



I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "




I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.

"Come on, what day was I born"?

I said, �Yesterday."

[Atrain1]

The second joke in green had me and my wife cracking up.

[GilpinGuy]

There used to be a "Today's Funny" stickie, but it seems to have disappeared.....

[Great-Kazoo]

You know how to get a Nun pregnant?









Fuck Her!!!







Want to have great sex with a Nun?















Dress her as an alter boy!














Know how to keep a gay man in suspense ?

[Melvin]

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland .
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him “Where am I”?
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back "You're in that basket up there".

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks "What is wrong"?
The boy says "Me Ma is dead".
"Oh bejaysus" the man says “Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you”?
The boy replies “No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment”.

[blacklabel]

Know how to keep a gay man in suspense ?

[Great-Kazoo]

Difference between an Irish funeral and Wedding?












ONE LESS DRUNK!







What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth















EINSTEINS PENIS

[Troublco]

This lumberjack only gets to go into town once every 6 months.
So when his turn comes around, he goes to the local cathouse and asks for a room, a beer, and the roughest, toughest girl in the house.
The madam behind the counter says "Ok. Your room is #6, upstairs and to the right. I'll send the beer up with the girl."
"OK." says the lumberjack, who goes upstairs and takes a bath.
As he's coming out of the bathroom, the girl comes in with the beer.
She sets the beer on the table, takes off her clothes, and gets down on all fours.
The lumberjack says "No, not like that. I like it in bed, the old fashioned way!"
The girl says "OK. I just thought you might want to open your beer first...."

[TS12000]

What do you call three blondes sitting in a row at a bar? Wind tunnel.

A man down on his luck goes into bar and sits for a few drinks, after an hour or so he asks the bartender, "Hey are there any...working...ladies around" and the bartender points one out sitting alone at a table. The man goes over and asks how much she would charge for a handie. She replies, "$500". "$500! that's outrageous!" the man replies, to which the woman grabs his hand and takes him to the front window and points out. "I give the best handjobs in New York, you see that Lamborghini? I bought that with money just from handjobs". The man a bit reluctant decides to take a chance and plops down the money. Sure enough, it is the best he's ever received. The next night he goes to the bar again and asks the rate of a blowjob. "$1000," replies the hooker. Again, the man is stunned and refuses but again the prostitute takes him to the window and points out. "See that apartment building, I own the whole thing....all from money I made giving blowjobs, I give the best in New York". Again the man intrigued forks over the money and sure enough it is the best he's ever had. The next night he decides to go to the bar again in search of the full deal. "Ok, you got me. You gave the best handjob and blowjob I've ever received, how much for everything?" The hooker walks him to the window and points out. "That's Manhattan, I'm not stupid I know you don't own that!" To which the hooker replies, "I would if I had a pussy"

[DSB OUTDOORS]

3 guy's are talking about how good their memory's are.

1st guy says, I remember the 1st words I ever spoke as a baby.

2nd guy says, that"s nothing. I remember this bright light, then the Dr. slapping me and nurses covering me.

3rd guy says, hell, I remember going to this picnic with my Dad, going down a slide and going home with my Mom!