Good to break this out of the thread.

I always put the most important thing as the first sentence. Comes from dealing with managers that only read the little blurb that outlook pops up for an incoming email. If they read the first sentence, the TLDR of the message is received.

For these bills I've been adding sub sections.
HB1224 - Magazine Prohibition - This is an emotional feel good measure which would have no effect on crime. It is also a direct attack on Magpul, a company in Boulder which makes magazines. This would drive them out of the state taking 200 jobs with them.
If they want to read on, it is easy to skip to the stuff they care about. I try to keep those short as well and think up now ones for each email while reinforcing the improper action of legislation through emotion.