View Full Version : Dating advice, or Redneck's dear diary thread
redneck122
05-13-2013, 23:27
Tonight, gentlemen, i come to you for advice. I have recently started dating a new girl. The difference this time is that she has a 15 month old daughter. I like this chick, and could possibly see a future, but i'm a bit apprehensive. Have any of you guys dated someone with kid(s)? Any advice? Stick around and see where it goes, or run for the hills?
Well, what does her husband say?
Shit, this thread went down pretty quick.
Depends on what you are looking for.
You'll soon discover if she is a good mother - before having her raise your kids.
You'll have to deal with the father to some degree. You'll learn a lot about how she deals with him also.
Play it out - should not be a disqualifier, but will be additional baggage.
Good luck
ETA: Full Disclosure - I'm on my 4th marriage. 3rd one had kids. DO NOT take my advice!
GilpinGuy
05-14-2013, 01:27
Disclaimer: I didn't marry until I was 40 yo. My wife was 36 and married (common law) once before and had 3 kids before we met.
Ok, now that that is out of the way, here's my 2 cents FWIW:
Date her for a while and see what's up. You'll figure out if there's a lot of drama and baggage with her ex, etc. really quick and you'll have to assess the situation further then. Tons of bullshit = see ya. Relatively stable and down to earth = continue on. Of course you could be the "savior" type and save her from a nasty ex. Your choice.
Play with her daughter, feed her and change her. If this is a totally repulsive act to you....not a good sign.
If you end up loving this woman, you need to love the child as well - no exceptions. I was apprehensive about this myself. My fiance had 3 kids! It's fucking scary to start thinking, "Oh yeah, I'll just take in these kids...." when I never once had a kid of my own to begin with. But it is a MUST that you commit to the children as well as the woman if you do get serious.
This girl has a 15 month old little girl. If you end up sticking with this woman, you will basically be "daddy" to this little girl. This happened to me. I met my wife when her youngest son was just under 2 yo. He calls me dad now. Soooooooo cool to me. I love this boy just like he was my own. Eventually I will adopt him officially, but that's another story.
And I had a little girl with my wife in October. She is the best thing to ever happen to me.
That's it. Good luck man.
Byte Stryke
05-14-2013, 03:46
Follow your heart.
Don't ever try to be her Dad... let her become your daughter.
UncleDave
05-14-2013, 06:25
Follow your heart.
Don't ever try to be her Dad... let her become your daughter.
That is great advice. My oldest cousin is not blood to me, but my Uncle married her mom when she was 2. She is treated no differently than the rest of us, and views my uncle as her "real dad".
Take your time. A child that young can become attached real easy. With that said I don't know what her situation is with bio dad, but if your relationship develops you could end up being the best thing that happened to that child. I am raising my step kids on my own right now.
Follow your heart.
Don't ever try to be her Dad... let her become your daughter.
This is good advice.
HoneyBadger
05-14-2013, 08:15
Depends on what you are looking for.
You'll soon discover if she is a good mother - before having her raise your kids.
You'll have to deal with the father to some degree. You'll learn a lot about how she deals with him also.
Play it out - should not be a disqualifier, but will be additional baggage.
Good luck
ETA: Full Disclosure - I'm on my 4th marriage. 3rd one had kids. DO NOT take my advice!
Should have put the disclaimer at the beginning of your post so we knew in advance not to read the rest of it! [LOL]
At least you know she puts out.
I've got the instant family too. Every point I could say has already been said
Dated a few women with kids, the key thing to remember here- YOU WILL NEVER COME FIRST. They're looking out for their kid first and foremost, you are, at best, a close second. As long as you keep that in mind just let the river take you and go with the flow. Of course it didn't help that one (two kids, two separate dads- warning sign #1) was effing crazy. My personal views as of late, and this is me, you all may be different, I want to start a family one day, not fall into an already made one. Good luck Redneck! [Beer]
Dated a few women with kids, the key thing to remember here- YOU WILL NEVER COME FIRST. They're looking out for their kid first and foremost, you are, at best, a close second. As long as you keep that in mind just let the river take you and go with the flow. Of course it didn't help that one (two kids, two separate dads- warning sign #1) was effing crazy. My personal views as of late, and this is me, you all may be different, I want to start a family one day, not fall into an already made one. Good luck Redneck! [Beer]
Oh to be young and dumb again. If she is the right girl the existing child can be a blessing on a growing family.
I'm married to a woman who came with 3 kids. I have absolutely no regrets about marrying her, and look forward to spending the rest of my life with her. However, I think she's an exception when it comes to women. By and large, I would heartily encourage you to not get involved with a woman who has kids. Dated a lot of single mothers over the years, and there's more baggage there than anywhere else in the dating scene.
Oh to be young and dumb again.
C'mon man, seriously? Youth does not equate stupidity. I simply was saying my preferences. No need to insinuate (that means to suggest or hint at). [Coffee]
DO NOT DO IT! RUN!
Along those lines...
http://i.qkme.me/3slcs4.jpg
CroiDhubh
05-14-2013, 10:56
Tonight, gentlemen, i come to you for advice. I have recently started dating a new girl. The difference this time is that she has a 15 month old daughter. I like this chick, and could possibly see a future, but i'm a bit apprehensive. Have any of you guys dated someone with kid(s)? Any advice? Stick around and see where it goes, or run for the hills?
*puts on his Dr Phil jacket*
Well, it really depends on your patience here. 15 month olds are a real trial and it only gets worse as they get older. Those last few years before they turn 18 is a real annoyance. You could always take it out on her mother's nethers, of course.
More advice here: Great Dating Advice (http://sunrie.xanga.com/771733547/love-advice-from-guru-sunrie/)
rockhound
05-14-2013, 14:21
like sticking your thing in the tar baby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vW95YIpC6Rw
Tonight, gentlemen, i come to you for advice. I have recently started dating a new girl. The difference this time is that she has a 15 month old daughter. I like this chick, and could possibly see a future, but i'm a bit apprehensive. Have any of you guys dated someone with kid(s)? Any advice? Stick around and see where it goes, or run for the hills?
If it's recent, you still have a lot of time to decide. Take things slow, watch the situation and trust your gut instinct. Give her time to get used to you, while you take time to get used to her. There's a lot that needs to happen before you think about taking big steps in a relationship.
redneck122
05-14-2013, 18:42
Thanks for the replies everyone. I have alot of thinking to do.
You notice how the camera behind Cruise is above Cruise's shoulder, but the camera behind Cuba, is below Cuba's shoulder?
hghclsswhitetrsh
05-14-2013, 21:41
Time for me to be serious here, which doesnt happen often..
The only experience I have is I dated a gal with an 18 month old boy. The gal and I were pretty serious, baby's daddy out of the picture for the most part. I was building a good relationship with this little boy and I got the rug pulled out from under me. Not only pain from the loss of a girlfriend, but the loss relationship with the boy. So heart ache times two for sure. I know for a fact he missed me as well. Keep that in mmd...
Yeah, I had a friend who dated a girl with a kid, and when she left, he was double hurt as he liked the kid as much as her. They are actually back together now, engaged, and with a kid of their own on the way.
GilpinGuy
05-14-2013, 23:18
As an aside, how old are you? If you're 35+ good luck finding a woman without a kid - and a stable one without a kid is even more rare. I say this just as a warning if you are looking for a single woman, never married, no kids, no baggage, over 35.....they don't exist.
I say this just as a warning if you are looking for a single woman, never married, no kids, no baggage, over 35.....they don't exist.
I must be really good because I found one. She's amazing. But I must say that I wasn't really "looking" for her and she wasn't looking for me. Just passed our 3rd anniversary and it keeps getting better.
redneck122
05-15-2013, 00:01
As an aside, how old are you? If you're 35+ good luck finding a woman without a kid - and a stable one without a kid is even more rare. I say this just as a warning if you are looking for a single woman, never married, no kids, no baggage, over 35.....they don't exist.
I'm still a youngin. 22 yo
GilpinGuy
05-15-2013, 00:05
I'm still a youngin. 22 yo
Shit man, you got a lot of poking to do before you start getting "serious". [Beer] But I still stand behind the other stuff I wrote.
redneck122
05-15-2013, 00:07
I've had my share of poking hah!
GilpinGuy
05-15-2013, 00:12
I've had my share of poking hah!
Atta boy! It don't wear out, so keep using it!
CroiDhubh
05-15-2013, 08:53
I'm still a youngin. 22 yo
And you are considering this?! Wuz rong wit ju?!!!?
If you're 35+ good luck finding a woman without a kid
Unless you chase after some college babes or even a recent grad... [Coffee]
Unless you chase after some college babes or even a recent grad... [Coffee]
Or like to travel in Thailand..
Or like to travel in Thailand..
You do that, better do the Dundee Check... [ROFL1]
"momma" needs a daddy for the kid....
enjoy the "tang" and know that Wal-Mart has cheap kid clothes...
[Coffee]
Give it a shot but don't rush into things. She probably was strapped down and wants to get out and have some fun, not get serious and strapped down again. More than likely looking for security. Alone time will be much less and you will spend lots of time with the kid I imagine since she is very young.
I'm 28, married for just about 3 years with a near 2 year old boy if that matters to you
Unless you chase after some college babes or even a recent grad... [Coffee]
Or fat liberals who work in the insurance industry!!![LOL]
Shootersfab
05-16-2013, 20:31
Mine came with an extra pussey.............cat................
That's enough baggage for me!!!!
<MADDOG>
05-16-2013, 20:46
Disclaimer: I didn't marry until I was 40 yo. My wife was 36 and married (common law) once before and had 3 kids before we met.
Ok, now that that is out of the way, here's my 2 cents FWIW:
Date her for a while and see what's up. You'll figure out if there's a lot of drama and baggage with her ex, etc. really quick and you'll have to assess the situation further then. Tons of bullshit = see ya. Relatively stable and down to earth = continue on. Of course you could be the "savior" type and save her from a nasty ex. Your choice.
Play with her daughter, feed her and change her. If this is a totally repulsive act to you....not a good sign.
If you end up loving this woman, you need to love the child as well - no exceptions. I was apprehensive about this myself. My fiance had 3 kids! It's fucking scary to start thinking, "Oh yeah, I'll just take in these kids...." when I never once had a kid of my own to begin with. But it is a MUST that you commit to the children as well as the woman if you do get serious.
This girl has a 15 month old little girl. If you end up sticking with this woman, you will basically be "daddy" to this little girl. This happened to me. I met my wife when her youngest son was just under 2 yo. He calls me dad now. Soooooooo cool to me. I love this boy just like he was my own. Eventually I will adopt him officially, but that's another story.
And I had a little girl with my wife in October. She is the best thing to ever happen to me.
That's it. Good luck man.
+1
As a man with 2 ex-spouses, these are plain truths written in simple form.
Take your time. If you do commit, which it seems by your question, isn't yet; you also commit to the child.
XC700116
05-16-2013, 21:02
There's one thing that would make me really skeptical. The kid is only 15 months old and she's dating. Now this greatly depends on how you met her, but I'd be a bit worried she's either more worried about finding help with the kid ie needs a daddy, or is more worried about her own wants/needs than the kid's, and if that's the case it WILL continue and likely that will include infidelity in the long run, or up and deciding to just split, or who knows. The point about how you met, if you met at a bar or the usual pickup routes, that's what would be the red flag to me, whereas if you've known her for a while or got "set up" by mutual friends or something, it wouldn't be as much of a red flag to me. ie if she was out hunting, or not.
But I'm a bit jaded as I seem to have a talent for getting blind sided by women.
I'm still a youngin. 22 yo
I was married for 44yrs, before I lost my wife to cancer, we were 19 yrs old when we got married. My advice for what its worth is,
take your time,get to know her and her child. Like some of the others have said there may be more baggage than what you want,
but if she loves you and you love her and the baby GO FOR IT. True love is Damn hard to find. Take your time get to know her.
Good luck
Great-Kazoo
05-16-2013, 22:11
I must be really good because I found one. She's amazing. But I must say that I wasn't really "looking" for her and she wasn't looking for me. Just passed our 3rd anniversary and it keeps getting better.
Congrats, when's the parole hearing;)
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