Things kids say

[JohnnyEgo]

Wife was trying to corner my 7 year old son this morning to scrub his face with a rag, which he absolutely hates. My 20 year old was also up there putting on her makeup. My wife tells my son "I washed my face this morning, and Aviona washed her face, too." Without hesitation, my son looks at them both and says "Well, I'm not a bitch."

I had to stifle my laugh and snatch him up out of there before they killed him. Makes me wonder if he's been watching 'Breaking Bad' instead of 'Paw Patrol'. It also lead to a teachable moment about winning the battle but losing the war.

[newracer]

Epic

[20X11]

Can I borrow that kid for a while?

[DEAGLER]

You sir are doing just fine lol

[BushMasterBoy]

Like. Made me laugh out loud.

[sigmanx]

That's some funny stuff there!

Sent from my 2PQ93 using Tapatalk

[kpp80202]

Holy moly!

[izzy]

Not my kid but a friend texted me this the other day....

My 3 year old just told my mother in law that the chicken she cooked "tastes like a warm sock"

[encorehunter]

My 4 year old and I were driving up a 4x4 two track to look for squirrels last season. A truck coming down to meet us passed a pull out and came up almost to our bumper with us stopped. I backed down about 400 yards of windy road to the next pull out. I was saying a few things under my breath while backing down. The guy rolled down his window and told me thank you. My 4 year old said loudly, "We thought you weren't very nice!" I had to laugh as the guy drove off.

[izzy]

That's a pretty good one. Not very funny but my 9 year old started calling me by my first name rather than calling me dad. I'm not a fan.

[JohnnyEgo]

My parents were/are devout Southern Baptists who never drank and seldom swore in front of their children. Consequently, I swear and drink all the time. So I figure my son won't be terribly interested in either as he gets older. I have rarely censored myself in front of him, and I don't get particularly mad or shocked when he uses profanity in context. Our primary rule is 'Not in Public', and he's been pretty good about that over the last couple of years. I get the daily report of 'not for public' words used by his friends in school, and those who have gotten in trouble for them. And while he is often in the principal's office, he has never been in trouble for swearing. He has been in trouble for telling his reading teacher he refused to read any books unless they were in German or Swedish (neither of which he speaks), telling his 2nd grade teacher he'd 'rather go to hell then do math', and orchestrating a group mooning of his kindergarten teacher, but not for use of profanity. So I have that going for me.

Today, I had to explain that even though we were not in public, there is a distinction between general swear words like "Shit!" and words directed specifically at an individual, like "Bitch". And that even though he was not in public when he said it, it's a bad idea to direct it at a short tempered woman with a long memory, such as his mother. I think he got it.

[brutal]

My 4 year old and I were driving up a 4x4 two track to look for squirrels last season. A truck coming down to meet us passed a pull out and came up almost to our bumper with us stopped. I backed down about 400 yards of windy road to the next pull out. I was saying a few things under my breath while backing down. The guy rolled down his window and told me thank you. My 4 year old said loudly, "We thought you weren't very nice!" I had to laugh as the guy drove off.

WTF?

Was this on level ground? Off road ROTR are downhill vehicle needs to back UP the hill...

[encorehunter]

WTF?

Was this on level ground? Off road ROTR are downhill vehicle needs to back UP the hill...

Definitely not level ground, I was in 4 wheel drive going up, because it was steep enough 2wd was spinning the tires some on the rocks. I finally put it in 4 low to help control the backward decent. He should have backed up the less than 20 or 30 yards to the pull out, if it was that far.

[roberth]

Not my kid but a friend texted me this the other day....

My 3 year old just told my mother in law that the chicken she cooked "tastes like a warm sock"

Only a 3 year old would know what a warm sock tastes like.

[StagLefty]

That's a pretty good one. Not very funny but my 9 year old started calling me by my first name rather than calling me dad. I'm not a fan.

My son tried that until I called him offspring all the time [ROFL2]

[sniper7]

My two year old is a mini-me repeating everything and is extremely good at context.

A few weeks ago, I took his iPad away because he had spent enough time on it and told him to go outside and play in the sandbox.
Walking past his mother, head down, arms crossed she asked him what was the matter to which he replied “Daddy is fucking annoying”.

All I could do was laugh when she told me!

[wctriumph]

When my daughter was three she came home from school and I asked what she learned and she said that she learned a new word, "asshole". I asked her who said that and she said "Mommy".

[hollohas]

Say and do.

My wife was talking with my 2nd grader's teacher yesterday about all the kids going home sick (4 in the class that day alone). As they were discussing the flu, they turned around to see my 3 year old licking a desk. Ugh.

[flogger]

About 35 yrs ago in a king soopers in Aurora. Oldest son (3+ yr) saw a LARGE lady in a kaftan and extra makeup in line next to us. " Mom..., Mom,... Look... A Clown.... Mom...." pointing all the time.
The wife curled up under the shopping cart.

[brutal]

My two year old is a mini-me repeating everything and is extremely good at context.

A few weeks ago, I took his iPad away because he had spent enough time on it and told him to go outside and play in the sandbox.
Walking past his mother, head down, arms crossed she asked him what was the matter to which he replied “Daddy is fucking annoying”.

All I could do was laugh when she told me!

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