Death.

[Ashton]

This year I've lost a lot... Lost my mom due to cancer. Lost my dog due to either cancer or a heart attack and lost two friends... I'm pretty much over gathering, to greeve at this point. To add onto this I lost another friend who got stabbed to death in wheat ridge like a week ago. I'm honestly not wanting to goto his funeral, and I'm planning on not going for now. I didn't goto his candlelight vigil tonight.

Is it disrespectful to not goto a service? I feel obligated but I feel like I've seen enough death recently being that I was there when my mom passed, dog passed, and two other friends passed...

[islandermyk]

I'm really sorry to hear all of this...

.. I'm really not good at this sh*t...

You've really been through some hard times... but for me, I would go to a service...

Keep your head up and continue to be strong man...

[Irving]

Sorry to hear about your mom.

[Ashton]

I'm really sorry to hear all of this...

.. I'm really not good at this sh*t...

You've really been through some hard times... but for me, I would go to a service...

Keep your head up and continue to be strong man...

I just honestly feel like once someones dead they're dead. I've watched quite a few people die and they don't come back. Which is why I feel that sitting in chairs listening to stories and shit isn't going to do any good or bring them back which is why I honestly don't wan't to go. In reality you'll remember them for the person they were no matter what. No "service" is going to change that IMHO. I just don't see the point in sitting in a chair with tons of people crying around you. But I'm not quite sure if it's disrespectful.

[Ashton]

Sorry to hear about your mom.

Thanks. I'm actually glad she passed... She was in a lot of pain for 4 months (not including chemo treatments just cancer pain). Cancer is a bitch. She's in a better place now.

[Ridge]

Going to the service is up to you. People who know what you've gone through this year, I'm sure would understand why you wouldn't go. You've seen enough of them to last you a lifetime.

[cstone]

Who else would be at the funeral? If the family and friends of your friend will be there, and you care for them as you cared for your friend, then I recommend that you go.

We don't grieve for those who have passed away. We spend time with those we care for and who need to be with others who wish to remember those they have lost.

There is a time for private grief and a time for supporting others and allowing them to support you. For me, funerals and wakes are social events.

I am sorry you have suffered so much this year. When it is possible, you will remember why you are sad. You miss having your loved ones with you. Why? Because of all the good things you shared. Try to spend more time thinking about those things and eventually you will think less about your loss.

At least that is the way it's supposed to work.

[Sharpienads]

I hate going to funerals, too. But just think, would you be going for you, or going for the other people there (friends, family of the departed)?

[Ashton]

There's already 300 + people RSVP'd. He was a bartender... I guarantee 98% of those people know his family.

[Goodburbon]

A funeral is for the living. I've skipped out on a few services just because I couldn't be around it any longer. I did make the wake for about as long as I could stand it. Some people may talk about it, eff em.

[kidicarus13]

Sorry for your losses. I would offer more advise but death and that which is associated with it is not one of my strengths.

Maybe your decreased friend would want you to be there for his grieving family. You do what you can and what your conscience tells you and you'll have made the right decision.

[Ah Pook]

I have been at my Mother's bed side three time in the last year. Each time thinking it would be the last. I can sympathise and understand your lose.

One of my best friends (I count very few as best friends) put a gun to his head several years ago. I could think of many reasons not to go to the funeral. The one reason I did go was the wife and family he left behind.

Dogs, well they are part of the family. Loosing one is never easy.

The "gathering" may not be for you. It will mean something to those immediately involved.

Your choice.

[Hoser]

Always go if you can. I went to six funerals in about 5 weeks this summer. It blew goat. I wanted to show support for my friends loved ones. It matters.

[Fentonite]

I think it's important for the family to see the impact their son had on others, that other people found him valuable and also mourn his loss. No, it won't bring your friend back, but being there for his family is one last favor you can do for your friend. Missing it is not something you want to regret later.

I'm very sorry for your losses.

[RJLou]

I think it is completely understandable that you don't go. Although, even if I didn't want to go, I personally would go. My reasoning is selfish though...
Will I regret or feel guilty for not going at some point in the future? Most likely.
Will I regret or feel guilty for going? Probably not.
For me it would be about not prolonging or adding guilt to my personal grieving.

[buffalobo]

For me it is about respect. If I respected that person and how they lived their life, I will be there. Even if I have to grit my teeth and set my jaw to get through it. I don't go to many, but some deserve to have their passing recognized.

[Holger Danske]

I think you've had more than your fair share this year and if you can't make one more funeral then thats the way it is.

[Big Wall]

Sorry for your losses.

Funerals are rituals that help the living accept and start moving on after someone has passed. If you don't need this then don't go.

That said, if this person's family are friends of yours then you need to go to support them. Being there shows respect for your friend and for his family.

When my Mom was dying of cancer she said that she thought she could count her friends on one hand. She was surprised how many people came to see her. She would have been truly surprised to have seen how many people showed up for her funeral. It was the largest funeral gathering that I have ever seen at her church, and I have been to quite a few funerals there. There wasn't an empty space in the pews.

[Bailey Guns]

Not judging...just an opinion and observation. It sounds as though, in your heart, you know you should go out of respect to your friend and his family. But you really don't want to and maybe you're trying to rationalize that feeling and/or looking for a little validation?

If you go, you'll have the memory and you'll never wonder "what if" or second-guess yourself in the future for not going. If you don't go...well, just something that you might regret.

My recommendation would be to go. If only briefly. Pay your respects, say your goodbyes.

Sorry for all the loss you've suffered.

[T-Giv]

Sorry about your friend in WR. That sounds like a terrible incident. Me? I'd go. The reasons don't even have to be perfectly clear right now but you need to keep in mind that you only have this opportunity once. Down the road you may regret it and then it'll be too late.

[glock21]

Sorry for your losses. I lost my dad then two months later my mom, a year later my grandma then my uncle commited suicide a week later. I couldnt tell you who was at the funerals cause i was in shock but im grateful for all who went. When a close friend passed after that i couldnt handle anymore death and was not gonna go. The day of the funeral i ended up going but sat in the back and didnt go see him in the casket. I wanted my memories of the last time i see him to not be of him in a coffin. Do what you feel in your heart and dont have regrets. I hope this helps. Good luck.

[ChadAmberg]

I just honestly feel like once someones dead they're dead. I've watched quite a few people die and they don't come back. Which is why I feel that sitting in chairs listening to stories and shit isn't going to do any good or bring them back which is why I honestly don't wan't to go. In reality you'll remember them for the person they were no matter what. No "service" is going to change that IMHO. I just don't see the point in sitting in a chair with tons of people crying around you. But I'm not quite sure if it's disrespectful.
My wife and I feel the same way as you. Once you're dead, you're dead. They have the luxury of not caring anymore.The only reason to go is if you were close with other people who would be there at the ceremony. Personally, unless that was the case, I'd simply go myself sometime later for a private rememberance.

[BPTactical]

When my sister in law died at 29 I did not attend the viewing portion of the service, eventhough I was a pallbearer.
The BIL was pretty offended I did not go to it but about a year later I was able to put it into words.
I told him that my last memory of her was her sitting on the couch bouncing my niece on her knee. I did not want my last vision of her to be in a casket.

So very sorry to hear of your rough year, nobody can tell you the "right" way to put things in place.

[Ashton]

Thanks for everyones input. I think I've mad my decision.

[wctriumph]

Prayers sent and God speed.

Please accept our condolences.

[AK47 Ranger]

I hear ya man. Lost my dad after a brief but brutal 8 week battle with cancer last month. Trying to do the happy holiday stuff with the wife & kids but deep down Im just not in the mood this year for any of it.
If it could be Jan 2, 2013 tomorrow, I'd gladly take it in a heartbeat.

[DSB OUTDOORS]

So sorry for your losses. I never was very good at the whole funeral, wake thing. But go if you can. It helps just being around the people that loved them. It helped me bring some closure with my grandparents when they passed.

[BlasterBob]

Although it has probably been said numerous times above, going to a memorial service/funeral is more for giving support to the surviving family and friends..... IMHO.
[blaster]

[rockhound]

you will never regret going, will you ever regret not going?