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I have had to clean up several DIY divorces. Huge financial messes, property ownership and debts not accounted for, nor resolved.
I do recommend a lawyer. And I've seen a lot of very bad non-court "mediation" situations such that I wish I could but can't recommend them.
I'll chime in here. I have never gone through a divorce, but a good friend of mine is going down that road now. They were all amicable initially, made an agreement, he was very generous(paid off her truck loan (35K), wrote her a 40K check, etc.), no minor children, should have been a done deal. She convinced him to delay finalizing for 2 months, during which she hired a lawyer, who is trying to go after him for alimony, even though she has a full time job and makes almost as much as he does. Now he's starting over with a lawyer, and it'll end up costing him a shit ton to resolve. Nobody wins but the lawyers at this point.
I was divorced in 2013. We did not get attorneys involved. We filled out the financials, disclosed them to each other, told each other what we wanted to do, compromised, filled out the division of property, submitted the paperwork, reviewed by the magistrate, and it was done. We never saw the inside of a courtroom (Jeffco). Our divorce cost us the filling fee; that's it. We did not have kids together so that was not a complication.
In contrast, my neighbor next door; his wife got attorneys involved. They will basically walk away with nothing and a mountain of debt because of the court battle. If they had just sat down and divided their property equally, created a parenting time plan, and support plan; it would have been over. Instead, they are both screwed. They had a 3/4 million dollar home, recreation property, you name it, they had it all. They now have nothing.
I guess the best advise is know your wife's temperament; if she is rational, work it out and fill out the docs. If not, get an attorney and God help you.
Edit: I forgot to mention something else. Divorce or any kind of dispute is psychological. Regardless of who did what, remain kind and respectful; you married this person for a reason so remain respectful regardless of what she's done. Also, be flexible; there are multiple ways to divide property that is equitable for both of you. If your wife feels as though she has options and choices, she will be far more responsive. Don't be rigid and demanding so that barriers develop. Also, if kids are involved, whatever you do...work together. Your kids will be so much better off if you can put aside your differences. I have a son who's mom and I work together and split time equally; he is a well adjusted teenager. My ex wife, who I just divorced; her and her ex were at war with each other and their kids were a train wreck.
Kids involved, cheating involved, limited resources on her side, get a lawyer.
My first wife came home one night and told me she was done being married. End of discussion. I didn't know what was going on in her head but there was no reasoning with her. We did not have kids, and all I had was camping gear, a kayak, and some rifles. Basically nothing she wanted from me. She had a butt-load of debt. We had nothing of value between us. I took the initiative and went to a friend who walked me through the County Clerk process. She went to a lawyer who seemed to do the same thing I did. The papers were basically identical. I have no idea how much that cost her but, interestingly, when I went to see said lawyer, he and his clerk greeted me as a long lost friend and seemed like they'd much rather deal with me than her. I left hoping he wasn't going to be stiffed. I really think I got lucky. I'm confident that had there been children or a house I would have been screwed big time. I strongly advise some sort of legal protection.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kraven251
Big plus one there. Even though I feel like I dodged a bullet, it was the lowest time of my life. Get together with friends and pursue a hobby together. I had some great friends when I was going through my divorce.Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyBadger
"No fault" generally doesn't mean what it sounds like, and although I've been able to avoid divorce thus far, I'm willing to bet that it also has nothing to do with cheating either.
Also, while I can't give great advice here, in the case of this divorce (at least for now) there is someone else involved, and you can bet that he'll be having an opinion on what she should and shouldn't do as well. If it wasn't the new guy, then it'd be her friends. Fortunately, and sometimes unfortunately, we don't exist in little bubbles and are influenced by others.
I don't have anything to say about the divorce advise.
If you need an ear or shoulder. I'm just down the road. You have my cell. Feel free to use it.
I'd set up some interviews with divorce attorneys so you'll be ahead of the game if/ when mediation goes bad. Always good to have a plan B.
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except cheating is a mindset thing...they have reached a mental point where they don't actually give a shit and will risk what they have for something else. It isn't about the legal manifestation, it is about the mindset and what that means when stressed, like in front of a judge.Quote:
Originally Posted by foxtrot