When you met the one?

[Dlesh123]

I bought the first one I sat in 45 years ago, still have the car, after 10 yrs and two kids the wife left. She was from the big city, I was from the farm. But I thought she was my best friend when we got married. 7 years later went for rd 2, met her at a community college class. Something intrigued me about some things she had done in life. She missed some classes, I was working out of town and missed some classes, she finally called me and of course before she could leave her number the phone recorder ran out of tape. But we overcame. Both from a farm background, both have classic chevys, both like pets. Got married on Friday the 13th, 28 yrs ago. Oh and when I wanted to invest in a $xx,ooo gun, all she said was are you sure and was on board with it when I said yes. Triggers:always practical, first time thought it was a good idea and two could live cheaper than one, second time, had an assignment to go to Hawaii for a week, only way to take my girlfriend was to get married, so we did, the assignment fell through, so we went to Alaska instead. To the OP, just make sure you don’t have rose colored glasses on, you aren’t there to ensure her happiness and she is not there to insure yours, but you should both be happy when together. Lots of situations can work, just takes commitment to do so, gauging that level of commitment can be very difficult. You might make a mistake, but that should not keep you from trying. Best of luck.

[Bailey Guns]

Hard to say. We've only been married 29 years. I'm still trying to decide if she's a keeper or not. Don't wanna rush into a decision like that.

[ChickNorris]

Hard to say. We've only been married 29 years. I'm still trying to decide if she's a keeper or not. Don't wanna rush into a decision like that.

Exactly

[Great-Kazoo]

If you want an objective informed answer, maybe get responses from more people from failed marriages too, which is probably more informative. I bet they won't all recommend jumping in blindly and can explain why. Don't ask for new car sales advice from people who bought the first one they sat in 40 years ago. It's nice that theirs worked. Yet, they have nothing to actually offer to keep yours from being a lemon.

What Cluster type is it that ass-u-mes the one, one is in a relationship with was their first car ?

[Scanker19]

23 and me will do a DNA analysis. Science don't don't lie. Women will. Try not to marry your cousin. I never married. WTF do I know!

https://www.23andme.com/

I married my first cousin. But only because it's legal here in NM. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin...tates_by_state

Fun side note according to the chart it's okay to bang your first cousin in Oklahoma but they draw the line at marriage. Now they tell me....

[Gman]

Hard to say. We've only been married 29 years. I'm still trying to decide if she's a keeper or not. Don't wanna rush into a decision like that.

As long as you don't get each other's names tattooed on yourselves, you should be free from a real 'commitment'.

As far as 'how long' you need to know each other prior to marriage, my folks might be another data point. They got married after only weeks of dating. Been married for 60 years so far.

[Little Dutch]

I had a bunch of acquaintances get married immediately after high school graduation, or within a year or two of it, and pop out a few kids. They were all, 100% of them, divorced within a few years. It made me a little gun shy on the whole marriage thing, with the understanding that people change and no one knows who they really are in their late teens and early 20's.

I was keen on staying away from anyone who tried to live my life for me. Simply put, I didn't want to have to ask permission, manipulate, or otherwise have to pull a fast one to go fishing Saturday morning.

The best advice I ever got was to marry up.

As far as knowing who "the one" is, I have no advice. I dated my wife for 6 or 7 years before proposing. I had seen enough crazy in my college years that I wanted to be sure there weren't any surprises...

[Tim K]

I asked my wife to marry me on the third date. We met on a blind date on a Saturday night (arranged by my mom) and were engaged on Tuesday. To our credit, we did take Monday off.


We were both ready to be married and involved in other relationships that were going nowhere. We spent Tuesday evening comparing notes about values and goals and found we were very compatible. Of course, there was physical attraction. We decided then and there. I asked and she said "yes". We were 24.


I wouldn't recommend this approach for anyone unless mom picks the mate! Seriously, my mom knew what kind of girl I needed to be happy, and she had the wisdom of age to be able to recognize her when she met her. I'd say if your mom didn't set you up, you'd better date for at least a full week before committing.

We've been married 28 years. We have two great little kids, three businesses, and more friends than we have time to enjoy. I'm a lucky guy.

[BigDee]

I'm greatly appreciative of all the responses everyone has posted in this thread.

So why did I post it? I had been drinking at the time and....

From being on these forums over the years I've learned that this group is a collective of awesome people who not only preach about the importance of having strong wholesome values but also live what they preach. I knew at the time of posting this many of you have been married for a long time.

I've been divorced since 2013 and ended a long term relationship July of last year.

Between the breakup and a whole bunch of other crap that's happened in the past year including medical issues that almost killed me a couple times my life has been insane and not in a good way. I've had a lot of 'casual' friends over the past year and haven't been in the market for anything serious.

This past July I went on a date with a woman I met through an online dating site. We met with the typical low expectations you have after you've done the online dating thing for a while and within a short period of time hit off like I've never hit it off with anyone before. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm with someone who's made for me and according to the conversations we've had it goes both ways. I felt that way after our second date and the feeling has grown even stronger since.

I've met her family and they feel like family to me. We all have similar values and get along like we've known each other our entire lives. Her father and I are going Elk hunting together next week, that's how well we've bonded. We recently let our kids meet and they get along extremely well. Our oldest sons now text each other daily and all the kids look forward to the next time they can all hang out.

It's amazing and it's terrifying all in the same.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk (question bug temp edited by foxtrot)

[MarkCO]

I can only assume that, since you both have kids, you have both been married, or at least had a serious relationship with other people.

When two people have the same basic values and worldview, the biggest hindrance is usually baggage. Each will have some from their biological family, as well as the second family after you left your parents. For that reason, if is was me in your circumstance, I would ask her if she would be willing to go and meet with a relationship coach. This coming from a person who is "shrink" adverse, a skilled coach (or mentor) is what we have in our careers, sports, etc. Sure some of that will come from your (and her) parents, but a coach can see past those issues of each and help you figure out how to best deal with the baggage and tensions of a committed relationship. It is NOT marriage counseling, or pre-marital counseling. I have suggested this to several who are dating and the few who have taken this step have said it was incredibly beneficial.

Best of luck.