Advice from stepdads...

[JM Ver. 2.0]

The OP did not ask for opinions, he asked for advice. I actually agree with most of what JM said, but the way he said it is uncalled for. I seriously doubt the OP posted up in here expecting to be flamed by everyone for whom this subject hits close to home. It gets worse as the thread goes on, and has actually turned into a pissing match to see who can be the bigger asshole to the guy. JM wins.

BTW if someone is being a monstrous asshole, they deserve to be called out on it. Respecting someone's right to their own opinion does not preclude telling them how much of an asshole they are for having it.

No. It's not uncalled for. Why don't you walk a Fucking mile in my shoes and you'll understand why I'm acting the way I am.


These kids have a chance to have something I never did. Something I never will have. Something my brother and sister will never have. He's being selfish and pisses me the Fuck off.


You want us to sugar coat this shit. It's not something you can sugar coat.

[One Shot]

OP - Embrace the change. Kids can be cool. Do some bonding and try and show them something they dont know, they will think you're pretty cool. And obviously try and do it without a drink. I get along really well with my step daughter. Tonight we had a nerf gun fight for a bit then I got to watch the UFC fights. Sure i'd like to be at the strip club with the boys or something but I took on the relationship and with that comes sacrifices. I will tell you that I didn't have as much stuff as I do now when I was going for Party Boy of the year. Make yourself happy, if you cant with the kids/wife then move on.

[Teufelhund]

Wow. If you don't understand the difference between an opinion and advise in the context of this thread, then I'm not going to waste time arguing it with you. Great job with the google-machine btw. And yes, I've never said anything here I wouldn't say directly to someone's face. You might whip my ass for it, but it wouldn't be the first time, and probably not the last.

Sorry for treading on people's daddy issues. Glad some of you found a sounding board for it and hope you feel a little better now that you've beat this guy into the ground over it. Have fun.

[JM Ver. 2.0]

Wow. If you don't understand the difference between an opinion and advise in the context of this thread, then I'm not going to waste time arguing it with you. Great job with the google-machine btw. And yes, I've never said anything here I wouldn't say directly to someone's face. You might whip my ass for it, but it wouldn't be the first time, and probably not the last.

Sorry for treading on people's daddy issues. Glad some of you found a sounding board for it and hope you feel a little better now that you've beat this guy into the ground over it. Have fun.

No one is going to whip anyone's ass. That's not a path one should take.

[Dingo]

Good grief. I should have expected this given the usual conduct of what I see on the other threads. I ask for some advice and get a barrage of name-calling, emotionally-charged rhetoric, and a few thoughtful replies. I'm not going to join in a burdgeoning, immature flame war on the internet of all places. I'll thank the handful of useful replies I got, and respectfully stop checking this thread.

[SA Friday]

Good grief. I should have expected this given the usual conduct of what I see on the other threads. I ask for some advice and get a barrage of name-calling, emotionally-charged rhetoric, and a few thoughtful replies. I'm not going to join in a burdgeoning, immature flame war on the internet of all places. I'll thank the handful of useful replies I got, and respectfully stop checking this thread.

Relax. It's a charged topic. Ignore the overcharged emotional crazy-talk and take what you can get from the rest.

You went from being single to being a parent of at least one teenager virtually overnight. You are obviously not handling the change well, but you are seeing it now. It's simple, you have to get your head straight and that's not going to happen without outside help. You have to get some sort of professional counseling, and you have to incorporate getting dry into the counseling.

First and foremost, you have to stop thinking of the kids as step kids. They are YOUR kids, and the the word "step" needs to go away in your head. My daughter and oldest son were 3 and one and a half respectively when I married my wife. They are NOT my step-children. They are my children, and I am not their step-father. I'm a parent. Some on this site have met my daughter, and this actually might be a shock to them that she's actually not genetically mine. I introduce her as what she is, my daughter. This was easier for me as they were younger. Older kids, you have to introduce them by their name and just avoid the whole "step" title. It's an emotional disassociation every time you say something like this.

You have to understand parenting is only instinctual at a very basic level at birth. Everything else from then on... It's all learning how to deal with them. By the time someone is parenting 7-14 year old kids, there's years of established guidelines and patterns. You have NONE of that, and haven't handled the change well.

You have to get counseling involved now and get into AA. If this is too much to take on to make it work, then you need to walk away.

[Ah Pook]

Funny how name calling is okay until it hits home. Not calling you out, just making an observation about the board.

Read some posts that I agree with, for better or worse. No easy answers but the answers are there.

Good luck.

[Great-Kazoo]

Good grief. I should have expected this given the usual conduct of what I see on the other threads. I ask for some advice and get a barrage of name-calling, emotionally-charged rhetoric, and a few thoughtful replies. I'm not going to join in a burdgeoning, immature flame war on the internet of all places. I'll thank the handful of useful replies I got, and respectfully stop checking this thread.

I'm not a strict disciplinarian (except that they show me, their mom, and each other respect in all situations)

Respect needs to be EARNED, being a drunk doesn't deserve anything. Understanding you have a drinking PROBLEM is the 1st step. Being man enough to continue working towards a better relationship with the kids, while shitcanning the FRAT mentality is the next.