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That is an awesome story!Quote:
Originally Posted by jim
That reminds me of my dad. One of my earliest memories was when I was about 5 and my dad told me “life is a motherfucker”. Completely true story and one I think about at least once a week. He proved over and over again that he was right.Quote:
Originally Posted by jim
I’ve got to disagree with you here but I don’t think you were being serious. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by jim
You're a lucky man to have someone there for you, even if it was hard sometimes. Like I said in my OP, punishment is different from discipline. I hope someday to be able to tell others with pride how much my children appreciate the discipline that I taught them.Quote:
Originally Posted by jim
I will disagree. Cutting your kid slack because you have an issue with the .gov, sends them the wrong message.. No matter how bad they mess up, as long as it's against the .gov DAD / Mom will always have their back. They can do no wrong. UNLESS they know there are repercussions, it will never "teach them anything"Quote:
Originally Posted by th3w01f
Screw then my day says the .gov sucks and he'll take my side, always. Not going to happen.
My old man went ballistic when i got locked up. More so at the local LE's than me. Until i was arraigned and released on bond. Then his issues with the local yokels paled in comparison to the shit storm i faced.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Learn it now, while the lessons are cheap.
Ok then, hypothetical situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by jim
Your 19 year old daughter gets home and you realize she's probably had a couple of beers. Well that's illegal and worse than that you think she might actually be intoxicated.
From your response I would guess you would call the police so they could administer a breathalyzer and deal with it appropriately rather than dealing with it yourself.
Sure she’ll lose her license and her job and probably won’t be able to continue with school. She’ll have $1000’s in debt for fines and defending herself. But at least she knows where you stand.
It's not the "Daddy will come to my rescue" bit that you're claiming it is . Parents need to deal with this at home so the kid gets it before they go out into the real world. Permanent records can ruin future job opportunities these days.
You see, I’ve come to realize that I’m not going to accomplish anything meaningful in this life beyond my kids. My only legacy to the future is my family and I will do anything to protect them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by th3w01f
A couple of beers, 19? she was drinking @16. She comes home after X curfew time and shit hit the fan, she doesn't know it yet. You're confusing something she got caught doing by security / an LE vs, something she thinks she got away with.Quote:
Originally Posted by th3w01f
We come from a different way of life than most if not all here. Drinking? a non issue in this household.
I will never throw our kid under the bus. However she also knew there were ramifications for her actions.
There are worse things in life as a parent you deal with/ worry about, then shop liftin, to some.. Are they doing drugs, stealing from you and their friends parent.
The OP had his first brush with the reality of being a parent in a not so perfect world. He, while understandably concerned, should be thankful it was only shop lifting, and not a body count.
This is his thread, we can digress some other time, other thread.
It is important for both parents to show up in court with the daughter and for the daughter to express remorse for her actions to the judge. She did something that is inexcusable and needs to be punished for that. Tell the judge that you, as parents, will be very strict with her from now on and he'll probably be lenient. Maybe, as a minor, she can even avoid probation.
I don't know about taking away her phone and internet, but I'd support making her pay off the legal fees and fines out of her own pocket.
Again it sounds like we're on the same page but I'm guessing we aren't.Quote:
Originally Posted by jim
I will defend our children until there is nothing left worth defending and I will not stand against them. You can take that to be as extreme as you want to but you're probably no were near close.
Sometimes you have to protect them from their own worst natures. it's better to let them burn their fingers a bit than let them grow up thinking they're fire proof...My parents left me fall on my ass and face the consequences on a number of occasions and it made me a better person. I'd hate to see where I ended up had they not let me learn such lessons..
The phone and internet are today's kids lifestyle. It's better than grounding them. No social contact outside of school, they're lost. Every kid i see it twittering away, Loose that privilege the whole interaction gig is gone. Kids don't know how to function w/out it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Clint45
Ding Ding Ding we have a winnerQuote:
Originally Posted by jim
Quote:
Originally Posted by TFOGGER
Let it hit her square and solid, when she is on her "keester" Explain to her:
1.How she got there
2.Her current options
3.how to make the correct decision
I'm not talking about throwing someone to the wolves kinda thing, but more of a "negative actions have negative consequences" kinda thing. Make her accept responsibility for her actions.
I would even go as far as to make her do "extra" volunteering to recoup Mom and Dad. Animal shelters, Habitat for humanity, something of that nature to fill, what is obviuosly, extra time.
just my 2 centavos
I feel a little better after a nights sleep. She has some friends that I've never got a good vibe from, some questionable and some great. Looking back I should have gone with my gut more on who she hung out with. Not that it's anyone's fault but my daughters, she made her own decisions. We ended up making some adjustments here at home: more boundries, more limitations, more chores, made it clear she's picking up the entire financial tab for this and she won't have freedom of 'hanging out' at the mall or anywhere else unsupervised for quite awhile. Hopefully it's a life changer for her. We'll all be there at the court hearing, should be a great civics lesson for her. Thanks for the heads -up on what to expect.
I got busted for shoplifting when I was I think 13 or 14. It was at an AAFES (I grew up on Malmstrom AFB). It was not the first time I had shoplifted. I didn't even need to lift the stuff, I had 2 large paper routes by that time and had more money than most kids my age. I have no idea why I was doing it. I didn't hang out with a "bad crowd" or kids that were a bad influence. If anything, I was probably the bad influence, but from what I can remember, it was usually a group effort to cause trouble.
We were taken by the MPs th the station on base and of course they called my parents (dad specifically of course). For a bit of background, my dad was one of the strictest parents I have ever heard of. I hadn't actually gotten my ass beat for a couple of years, but I was expecting one this time. Dad came and picked my up, and it didn't seem that he was very upset while in the station. The second we were driving away the firestorm started. I had NEVER seen my dad that angry, I was scared of the beating about to be inflicted on me, when normally I wouldn't be (I used to laugh at my mom when she was trying to spank me with kitchen utensils and so she would hit me harder until her wooden spoons broke).
Don't get me wrong, I was not abused, and I deserved every single ass whooping I ever received, consequences of being a little shit I guess. I was never spanked/smacked without a very good reason (you know, like getting in a fight in school, general asshattery).
Anyways, once we got home, he didn't even lay a finger on me. Screamed and yelled at me for a while and then was sent to my room. I was grounded to my room for a month. Didn't seem bad at first, and I thought my folks would let up. They didn't. I had to stay in my room for the entire month, only being able to leave to eat meals, deliver my papers, and collect for my paper route. Going to the store or anywhere with my folks was out of the question as well. It sucked. This of course was long before cell phones computers, game systems. Hell, we only had one TV, the big 19" in the living room. This punishment was horrible. I could see/hear my friends hanging out outside daily. I didn't have too many things to keep me occupied either.
When I could finally leave my room, I was grounded to the house/yard for another month. This wasn't quite as bad, but it still sucked not being able to go anywhere at all. When I started to be able to go to the store with my folks again, I could only go into the store if I kept my hands in my pockets the entire time.
I think my total slew of restrictions and punishments lasted about 6 months. I know at the time I wished my old man had just beaten the shit out of me and got it over with.
The result: I haven't in my life one single time since then ever thought about stealing ANYTHING. I think that 6 months of what I thought was hell really got my head straight and to this day I am thankful that I had the strict parenting that I did have. If not I probably would have ended up in actual jail instead of the military. I know for a fact that I would not be where I am today and be as diciplined as I am without the loving punishments that my folks dealt out when I deserved it.
Things like this have lasting impressions and life implications. Good luck with your daughter and hope everything turns out for the best. I know from a personal standpoint that getting busted may have been one of the best things that could have happened to me (of course it seemed life wrecking at the time).
Update:
Went to court today. the judge was way too damn nice, no intimidation, no fear of God, no fire & brimstone. It was a good civics lesson for the daughter though.
She has 19 hours of community service to complete at a non-profit, a class to attend, and a 3 page report on the class due in about 6 weeks.
The shoplifting charge remains on her record. After she turns 18 we can go to court to have the record sealed or expunged where it is hidden from prospective employers, etc.
Just wanted to post in case anyone wanted to know how the system worked.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robb
The first encounter with the law usually ends thsi way. her second one IF it happens and IF it occurs before this shit is over and she could be looking at more serious charges. Especially as a repeat offender. If they don't have the sense enough to quit while they're ahead some local gray bar hotel time , hopefully will cure it.
Interesting, thanks for the update! The judge is probably over it and doesn't think the fire/brimstone is worth his effort anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by Robb
I shoplifted a ton of GI Joes when I was 12ish. Did it mainly because we were poor, but also because it was an intense rush. Even at that age, the adrenaline was addictive.
Yes, I was the mother of all badasses. lol.
I am well versed in this subject....Aside from any criminal charges, many retailers also envoke the "Civil Demand" law thats on
the books on CO. They send your daughters info to a law firm, and they can demand up to $250!! Idea is to 'offset' the cost to
have a security (Loss Prevention) department. Send me an IM if I can give you anymore advise....
3 pages? Does not sound that challenging
I am surprised, I thought the judge would just give her an application for the Colorado legislature?
What I'm wondering is, WHY did she shoplift. Apparently she has the cash, so what motivated her. Maybe some counseling to get at the issues before she does this again. Something's going on, Dad.