shoplifting.

[th3w01f]

Fast forward, 2005? She's in a fighter wing off in the Indian Ocean and we receive a card / letter from her. She writes to thank us, for raising her in a way that taught her respect & responsibility. Something a few in her command lacked. She said those lessons / discipline got here where she was and will always remember how we supported and tried to do right by her, no matter how hard it may have seemed to her at the time.
THAT LETTER made every tear, smile, let down, recognition, accomplishment, etc worth every penny of mutual respect we earned with each other.

That is an awesome story!

Explaining i thought my old man was a prick, However in reality he wasn't. he was just trying to raise, us the way he felt was best at the time.

That reminds me of my dad. One of my earliest memories was when I was about 5 and my dad told me “life is a motherfucker”. Completely true story and one I think about at least once a week. He proved over and over again that he was right.

It sucks being a parent, fortunately i was never that bad when i was a kid.

I’ve got to disagree with you here but I don’t think you were being serious.

[Katastrophic]

THAT LETTER made every tear, smile, let down, recognition, accomplishment, etc worth every penny of mutual respect we earned with each other.

As i said Support BUT, make sure she understands what she does today will effect EVERYTHING she does down the road.

It sucks being a parent, fortunately i was never that bad when i was a kid.

You're a lucky man to have someone there for you, even if it was hard sometimes. Like I said in my OP, punishment is different from discipline. I hope someday to be able to tell others with pride how much my children appreciate the discipline that I taught them.

[Great-Kazoo]

Sorry but I think you're wrong. A good life's lesson (lifetime criminal record) is not worth destroying the rest of their life.

I will disagree. Cutting your kid slack because you have an issue with the .gov, sends them the wrong message.. No matter how bad they mess up, as long as it's against the .gov DAD / Mom will always have their back. They can do no wrong. UNLESS they know there are repercussions, it will never "teach them anything"
Screw then my day says the .gov sucks and he'll take my side, always. Not going to happen.
My old man went ballistic when i got locked up. More so at the local LE's than me. Until i was arraigned and released on bond. Then his issues with the local yokels paled in comparison to the shit storm i faced.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Learn it now, while the lessons are cheap.

[th3w01f]

I will disagree. Cutting your kid slack because you have an issue with the .gov, sends them the wrong message.. No matter how bad they mess up, as long as it's against the .gov DAD / Mom will always have their back. They can do no wrong. UNLESS they know there are repercussions, it will never "teach them anything"
Screw then my day says the .gov sucks and he'll take my side, always. Not going to happen.
My old man went ballistic when i got locked up. More so at the local LE's than me. Until i was arraigned and released on bond. Then his issues with the local yokels paled in comparison to the shit storm i faced.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Learn it now, while the lessons are cheap.

Ok then, hypothetical situation.

Your 19 year old daughter gets home and you realize she's probably had a couple of beers. Well that's illegal and worse than that you think she might actually be intoxicated.

From your response I would guess you would call the police so they could administer a breathalyzer and deal with it appropriately rather than dealing with it yourself.

Sure she’ll lose her license and her job and probably won’t be able to continue with school. She’ll have $1000’s in debt for fines and defending herself. But at least she knows where you stand.

[Katastrophic]

It's not the "Daddy will come to my rescue" bit that you're claiming it is . Parents need to deal with this at home so the kid gets it before they go out into the real world. Permanent records can ruin future job opportunities these days.

[th3w01f]

You see, I’ve come to realize that I’m not going to accomplish anything meaningful in this life beyond my kids. My only legacy to the future is my family and I will do anything to protect them.

[Great-Kazoo]

Sorry but I think you're wrong. A good life's lesson (lifetime criminal record) is not worth destroying the rest of their life.

Ok then, hypothetical situation.

Your 19 year old daughter gets home and you realize she's probably had a couple of beers. Well that's illegal and worse than that you think she might actually be intoxicated.

From your response I would guess you would call the police so they could administer a breathalyzer and deal with it appropriately rather than dealing with it yourself.

Sure she’ll lose her license and her job and probably won’t be able to continue with school. She’ll have $1000’s in debt for fines and defending herself. But at least she knows where you stand.

A couple of beers, 19? she was drinking @16. She comes home after X curfew time and shit hit the fan, she doesn't know it yet. You're confusing something she got caught doing by security / an LE vs, something she thinks she got away with.
We come from a different way of life than most if not all here. Drinking? a non issue in this household.

I will never throw our kid under the bus. However she also knew there were ramifications for her actions.
There are worse things in life as a parent you deal with/ worry about, then shop liftin, to some.. Are they doing drugs, stealing from you and their friends parent.

The OP had his first brush with the reality of being a parent in a not so perfect world. He, while understandably concerned, should be thankful it was only shop lifting, and not a body count.
This is his thread, we can digress some other time, other thread.

[Clint45]

It is important for both parents to show up in court with the daughter and for the daughter to express remorse for her actions to the judge. She did something that is inexcusable and needs to be punished for that. Tell the judge that you, as parents, will be very strict with her from now on and he'll probably be lenient. Maybe, as a minor, she can even avoid probation.

I don't know about taking away her phone and internet, but I'd support making her pay off the legal fees and fines out of her own pocket.

[th3w01f]

A couple of beers, 19? she was drinking @16. She comes home after X curfew time and shit hit the fan, she doesn't know it yet. You're confusing something she got caught doing by security / an LE vs, something she thinks she got away with.
Her drinking is not something we ever worried about, outside of driving. We never had an issue with her drinking even when not of age. Hell we drank together, She was our DD.
I will never throw our kid under the bus. However she also knew there were ramifications for her actions.
There are worse things in life as a parent you deal with/ worry about, then shop lifting. Are they doing drugs, stealing from you and their friends parents.

Again it sounds like we're on the same page but I'm guessing we aren't.

I will defend our children until there is nothing left worth defending and I will not stand against them. You can take that to be as extreme as you want to but you're probably no were near close.

[TFOGGER]

Sometimes you have to protect them from their own worst natures. it's better to let them burn their fingers a bit than let them grow up thinking they're fire proof...My parents left me fall on my ass and face the consequences on a number of occasions and it made me a better person. I'd hate to see where I ended up had they not let me learn such lessons..