My wife ,sister, and brother in law do. I substituteOriginally Posted by soldier-of-the-apocalypse
Colorado AR-15 Shooters Club Discussion Forums
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A Letter to the Men's Helpline:
Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on
Me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs
Up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out
For her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat.
When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse,
Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a
Hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
Back in the day!
Back in the day we had.
Jonny Cash
Steve Jobs and
Bob Hope!!
Now with Obama.
We have No Cash, Now Jobs and No Hope!!
Got this in an email... laughing my ass off, I have done this exact process up to step 36.
Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00
Coffee: Complementary
TOTAL: $24.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, cat litter, hand cleaner, and a scented tree; use your debit card for $50.00.
2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw cat litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw cat litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under truck getting cat litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25. Begin cussing fit.
26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.
28. Beer.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30. Beer.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32. Beer.
33. Lower truck from jack stands.
34. Move truck back to apply more cat litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35. Beer.
36. Test drive truck.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38. Truck gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.
40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
Are you following me?
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Haw haw haw?..
Lmao
Lmao
I have a sudden craving for some beer... I wonder if one of my vehicles needs an oil change?
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ, we are the III%, CIP2, and some other catchphrase meant to aggravate progreSSives who are hell bent on taking rights away...
I have 2 vehicles needing an oil change and one of them needs the rear main seal replace. I think I might just get a keg for that one.
CRS 18-1-704.5
That is too funny. They offer a LIFETIME oil change package for $300 at the dealership I work at...
And I always hear the big tough macho guys say "No thanks, I prefer to change my own oil".
Mohammad, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Arkansas.
"What is your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammad" answered the boy.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny" replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammad returned home. "How was your day Mohammad?" asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammad, I am in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion!?"
"SHAME ON YOU!" and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked...
"What happened to you little Johnny?"
"Well ma'am, 4 hours after becoming an American, I was attacked by Muslims."
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