Today's funny

[GilpinGuy]

Sitting together on a train were Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.

The blonde girl thinks: Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him.

Obama thinks: Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

George Bush thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can slap the shit out of Obama again!!

[45XD]

An illegal immigrant, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar.
The bartender asks....







"What can I get you Mr. President?"

awesome

[GilpinGuy]

Walking The Walk

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."

[GilpinGuy]

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!

[Byte Stryke]

Walking The Walk

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."

Pure win

more true than funny

[hghclsswhitetrsh]

Pure win

more true than funny

Kind of ironic like the people who have the "respect life" license plates but drive like a bat out of hell. Or the "committed to a cure" for breast cancer and they're puffing on a 6 inch pall mall cigarette.

[Ronin13]

Question of the day:
If Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi were drowning and you could only save one, would you go get lunch or read a book?

[patrick0685]

Question of the day:
If Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi were drowning and you could only save one, would you go get lunch or read a book?

The answer is obvious, you have to stay and read a book, how else will stop anyone else from saving them

[Monky]

The answer is obvious, you have to stay and read a book, how else will stop anyone else from saving them

I'm not sure that many of us can read books.. but we'd all be there to support you patrick!

[patrick0685]

I'm not sure that many of us can read books.. but we'd all be there to support you patrick!

true...i believe it should be edited to "read the forum"